It's Always Something...

I see a bad moon arising

I see trouble on the way.

I see earthquakes and lightning

I see bad times today... 

So I was at about the 12-15 minute mark of the weekend steamer routine - that's typically the point where the heat-and hydration deprived induced hallucinations begin - when my latest fantasy was beginning to take shape. 

It was a film noir-type tale, involving a sultry Russian temptress spy, exotically (and topically) named Crimea River...  think Angeline Jolie in her 'Mr. & Mrs. Smith Meets 'Lara Croft, Tomb Raider' period. Woof.

For some reason, I had the U.S. nuclear codes and she was going to get them out of me by any means possible.  Well, suffice to say, she did so with impressive ease - it was awesome - but national security was of course compromised and we end up all living in high utility-low creature comfort gulags run by a Ukrainian sociopath named Yuri.  

The End.

So that was bad. I proved to be a massive disappointment to the world.  And I left the steamer feeling just awful about my poor judgment in succumbing to Comrade River's predatory feminine wiles.    

But a few minutes later, Real Life intruded as I read the news of this year's now predictable-like-the-sun-rising ND 'Titanic Meets The Iceberg' calamity:  

Six football players popped in one night - that has GOT to be a record - on a veritable cornucopia of charges:  assault & battery of a police officer, resisting arrest, pot possession, unregistered (and apparently loaded!) gun possession.  If reading the police record 'unbranded', one might think it was dateline: Tallahassee or Coral Gables, FL.

Reactions? 

1.  What were these boys doing, where they thought they needed a loaded gun?  Hmmm, I can think of at least one scenario... 

2.  We may wish to begin tapping the brakes on looking down our noses at the criminal element at other schools.  (I know, fat chance of that ever happening.)

3.  Far more likely, you might want to re-look your 'ND win total' predictions one more time.


Word of The Week

Used in a sentence:   After spending several hours involved in endless palavering over the ND Six, Young Terrence realized his wizened brother Kevin was correct, 12-0 was the team's manifest destiny.  

Quote of the Month

"Yes, there is joy, fulfillment and companionship -- but the loneliness of the soul in its appalling self-consciousness is horrible and overpowering."

Sylvia Plath
Writer, Poet & Buzz Kill

This probably has nothing to do with being a ND football fan. 
Though being a South Bend or Fulton County cop is apparently no picnic either.   

All You Need To Know To Place Your Bet - Part II

Causes for Optimism

Which one of these lads is not like the others? At least not any more...

-  QB's
-  RB depth
-  Left side of OL
-  Nyles Morgan
-  Daelin Hayes 
-  Better red zone offense
-  Special teams 

Concerns
-  Stupid 18-20 yr. olds
-  Speeding
-  Weed
-  Loaded Guns 
-  Girlfriends From Hell



II.  The 2016 Schedule (Ignore at your own peril, trap games abound!)

September
3       @Texas                  Austin here we come...
10     Nevada         
17     Michigan State      Linipalooza VI!
26     Duke                      The (Corrigan) boys are back in town...

October
1      @Syracuse       
8     @NC State         
15    Stanford             Alumni Hall reunion!

29   Miami                 

November
5      @Navy     
12     Army 
21     Va. Tech 
28    @USC    

What Does 2016 ND Football Success Look Like To You?

Who doesn't love a brightly colored Infographic to cloud your judgment before laying your bet?

And a song for all you resilient 11 and 12 win optimists:

Wins	Which Nic Flick R U?	Why ND Relevant	Wager
12	Raising Arizona	Genius from start to finish. And be honest – you never thought it’d be as terrific as it ended up being.	Joe S Kevin C  Brian M Bryan G
11	Adaptation	Über clever direction meets surprising performances even if one is a bit confused by the overall journey.	Bob R Jay F Spit the Elder Tim S Graham C
10	Leaving Las Vegas	By all objective measures a high quality performance.  So why does one now feel so despondent?	Mike C JP McG Matt L Ray V Jerry C Brian M Peter B Jim S Dave G Tom F Lini Spit the Younger
9	Con Air	At times both awful and awesome, but with enough enjoyable lines (and stuff getting blown up) to distract one from the disappointment of what could’ve been something really special.	Tim C Kevin M Dennis R Terry Mike G Jerry W  Jerry P
8	National Treasure	Nowhere near great. But one finds oneself looking back on it more fondly than is justified.  And if no one’s around... satisfying enough that one’ll watch it when it comes on late at night.	Al B Jim T  Ryan C John L Randy R
7	The Wicker Man	You've seen this movie before.  Literally.  And you weren't that impressed the first time.   You're cognizant that you've entered The Disaster Zone - where career legacies are re-written.  And never for the good.
6	Ghost Rider	Oh dear Lord.   You feel physically ill just watching this – and knowing it’s not an   aberrant 'one off' performance.
5  and under	Season of the Witch	We’ve fallen and we're not getting back up.   How incredibly sad. What's on The History Channel?

Schadenfreude of the Montb 

"Celebrating The Misfortune of Other Teams Since 1956"

Mongolia.    First of all, how often does one ever get to reference Mongolia outside of a random Jeopardy "I'll take favorite P.F. Chang dishes for $100, Alex..." opportunity?

The answer is almost never.  

But the Olympics are the gift that keeps on giving to virtually the very end.  

Things you can't un-see for $200...

In case you missed it, two Mongolian wrestling coaches stripped their clothes off in protest when their athlete lost his bronze medal match - after a penalty point was awarded after the match was over.  Ouch.  

So... I celebrate their angst more to bring light to this injustice - apparently those actually watching the match agreed with Team Mongolia - and to give my readership a new option on how they may more fully express their displeasure at the next game-changing bad call in an ND game.  

Just make sure I'm nowhere near if you go this route. 

Terry's Trolls

The Olympics raise everyone's game, it would seem.  Even, or especially, the twits. 

1.  Ryan Lochte.   Perhaps because your 'Saturday night in Rio' incident is proving to be not so exaggerated (just tell the truth next time, Boy Wonder) I thought you were perhaps literally the stupidest person in the world.  Plant life is smarter than you.  Our garden has tomatoes with greater capacity for critical thinking and common sense.

Then I came across... 

2. Max Redfield.   At least Lochte's won his medals, made his money.  You've been given every chance in the world, multiple times over, and your response?  Doubling down on 'stupid' and bringing down four other underclassmen with you. Two weeks before the start of your NFL-audition-season. 

Shit. For. Brains.  Enjoy playing for the Saskatchewan Rough Riders. 


3.  Todd Marinovich.  "We found him hiding in a backyard.  Someone else's backyard."  Naked. With methamphetamine and weed.  Todd, Todd, Todd.  You can take the boy out of USC but you can't take... well, apparently you can't take him anywhere.

Do we have your transcripts? 

4.  Harbaugh.  In recruiting, it's "live by the sword, die by the sword."   And Big Jim lost big this week, with two DL recruits defecting, one because his recruiting staff sent out a thank you note to the boy for attending a Michigan BBQ he never went to. Oops.  And spelled his wrong twice in the process.  

Nothing says "you're special" like a misspelled form letter, Tim Jim.

Buddy's Buddy

It occurs to me that in the litany of wonderful Rio Olympic performances called out on last week's blog, there was one huge oversight - by perhaps the littlest Olympian of them all:

4'9" Gymnast Simone Biles.  4 gold medals:
*  Vault
*  Floor exercise
*  Individual all-around
*  Team all-around

And a bronze on the beam.  (Slacker.)

If one didn't catch any of the routines she pulled off, google 'em.  The mind reels wondering how the hell one even gets up the courage to attempt some of the stuff she did.  

This song's for you, Simone:

Cocktail of The Month

"Match that innovation, Wharton!"

As we shift from two weeks of non-stop Olympic influence to an 'are you ready for some football' mindset, our eyes turn inextricably to the south.

Austin, Texas.

Put away those poncey hairdresser white liquors (okay, Tito's - you can stay, you're one of us) and serve us something dark and substantive.

Bourbon.

Bourbon Cowboy

Urban Cowboy (1980)

Directed By James Bridges

Picture Saturday Night Fever with mechanical bulls instead of disco balls, and you've got this oddball ode to working hard and drinking harder.  A post-Grease (and still hot) John Travolta stars as Bud, a Texas country bumpkin who moves to Houston to make a little money - and a lot of trouble.

No, this is not a thinly disguised Rasmus biopic.

When Bud falls hard for honky tonk regular and certifiable spitfire Sissy (Debra Winger in a breakout performance) he ends up losing her over the sexist semantics of mechanical bull riding - which inspires Bud to ride the beast himself.

Okay, maybe loosely based on Bob.

Giddyup for our refined, big city twist on a down-South classic.

• 4 basil leaves, divided
• 2 dashes Angostura bitters 
• 2 oz.  bourbon
• 1 1/4 oz. iced tea, sweetened to taste
• 1/2 oz. lemon juice

Muddle 3 basil leaves and the bitters in a shaker.  Add the remaining ingredients and ice, shaking well.  Strain into a julep cup (or rocks glass), filled with freshly shaved ice and garnish with the final basil leaf.  Don't drink and ride.

Final Thought - I

So the news this week wasn't great, if not utterly, depressingly predictable.  But equally assured is that the football season always brings all most of the Class of '79'ers back to the area for a game or two.  I heard the song below recently and can't help but think of my favorite (reformed?) Kansas City miscreant... himself no stranger to youthful post-midnight, poor decision making... with references to 'drinking like a pirate', waved fungo bats (who remembers the final senior year trek to The Torch?), visits to the county jail... 

Hope he brings his Park City wing man this year.

What Say Ye?

Mediocrity puts me at the TOP of the bell curve!  Thats's good, right?

My wife, the fair Lisa, makes me a better person.   Of that there can be no debate.  There is also little question that highly targeted skill is her most irritating quality.  I mean, since when did sustainable mediocrity no longer become a legitimate aspiration?

Case in point:  I had an uncle pass away recently - shed no tears, he was nearly 97 - but the thought of attending his funeral was, to be candid, a fleeting, quickly rejected, one. 

Until Lisa said, "Well I'm going..." 

Alrightee then.  After 31 years of marriage, personal shaming is still an impressively powerful lever.  So we saddled up the buckboard and headed to the Quad Cities.  

And of course, it was the right thing to do:  Kay was indeed happy that we "represented",  I genuinely enjoyed having a few beers with my cousins (Hello! Irish wake!) and afterwards, my needed sense of societal self worth was now off the charts - having conveniently forgotten about my initial "but I'd rather be golfing this weekend" character flaws.   Thank you, Lisa.

"Now there's our leader..."

But the life lesson arising from that series of circumstances got me to pondering how in the sporting world one repeatedly hears... ad nauseum... about certain athletes (typically a team's star players) that "make those around them better."  

Better how exactly? I've never understood. But everyone says it with such certitude, like it's a real thing, so it must be true.  

So as one ponders what victory number on which to lay your ND wager, it would seem to me that the Irish may need a lot of that 'rising tide lifts all boats' kind of effect. There's an awful lot of young but largely unproven talent running onto that field come September 4th - who's gonna lead 'em?


Word of The Week

"Whaddya say, girls - best 2 of out 3?"

ledecky (v) - to be defeated in such a soul crushing display of domination that it makes one not only rethink the years of hard work spent getting to world class irrelevance but also forcing one to give greater credence to the notion that aliens might indeed walk among us.

Used in a sentence:   The last time UM played ND, the Wolverines were so thoroughly ledeckied that it was clear that the Michigan AD was prepared to make a deal with the devil - any devil, even the world's most socially inept - to restore their program to national prominence. 

"I got a suite and you got defeat..."

Quote of the Month

"No one in this world, so far as I know - and I've searched the records for years, and employed agents to help me - has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people..."

H.L. Mencken

This probably has nothing to do with football betting.   Or presidential elections. 



All You Need To Know To Place Your Bet...

I.  Camp Buzz

Lifted from Pro Football Focus:

Gone are seven players selected within the first 4 rounds of the 2016 NFL draft. That’s one of the largest talent drains as you’ll see in the entire country and it’s a testament to Brian Kelly’s recruiting that they’re still ranked #11 in our preseason polls. A QB competition looms once again in South Bend, but it’s unlikely that decision is what ultimately decides ND's destiny.

Offense


Grading-wise, all signs point to Zaire for the QB competition. The offense has run like awell-oiled machine in nearly every game Zaire has been a part of. ND really can’t go wrong with either as Kizer graded out positively as well in 776 snaps last season.


With another stud O-line in the works and Folston returning at RB, the only question mark is who will be catching passes for the Irish.  They lost 2,152 snaps at the WR position from a season ago with Torii Hunter Jr. being the only returning player who saw meaningful time. Hunter will be thrust into one of the starting spots while sophomore Equanimeous St. Brown – who only took 47 snaps a season ago – looks poised to take the other.

Defense

Realistically the chances of ND making it to the playoff this year comes down to the front seven. If they can find a way to pressure the QB without relying solely on the blitz like then they’ll be a force to contend with. That is a big “if.” Senior Isaac Rochell will slide inside more this season where he should be more effective as he simply lacked the burst to win the edge consistently. On the outside, not a single player returns with a positive pass rush grade from a season ago.  Eek.

Even with a lackluster pass rush, there is reason to believe that this secondary could be the best ND has had in the Kelly era. S Drue Tranquill had graded out positively through the first three games before tearing his ACL while Max "Le Grande Tease" Redfield has been solid if unspectacular the past two years. If there is one name to keep an eye out for, it’s CB Cole Luke.

Biggest star: LT Mike McGlinchey

You’d be hard pressed to find any O-lineman, even in the NFL, that can be classified as a “star,” but if every position got equal billing then McGlinchey would be that guy. He has 1st-round talent though his chances of ending up there will depend on how adeptly he takes to the LT position. Ironically, if Zaire wins the starting job, McGlinchey have switched positions away from the blind side, but he’ll still form on of the best double team duos in the country with LG Quinten Nelson.

Breakout player to watch: DT Jarron Jones

Two years ago it was Jones, not Sheldon Day, who graded out the highest along the D-line. Last season a torn MCL cost him basically the whole year. At a hair over 6'5" and 315 lbs, he's is one of the most physically imposing DT's in all of college football. If he can add counter or two to his prodigious bull rush, Jones should be in for a big year.

Bottom line
The 'O' will be a dynamic top-10 type unit no matter who starts at QB. The 'D', however, will have to see some guys take huge leaps forward to keep pace. The schedule may be a tad easier than it was a season ago with only one team on the schedule currently in the PFF top 25 (Stanford), but they’ll face some legitimate tests early in the season with Texas and Michigan State in Week 1 and 3. If they can get through those unscathed, expect another 10-win season.

Causes for Optimism
-  QB's
-  RB depth
-  Left side of OL
-  Nyles Morgan
-  Daelin Hayes (maybe)
-  Better red zone offense
-  Special teams (don't underestimate it's value)

Concerns
-  Pass rush
-  Safety play (will Max ever be 'max'?)
-  Inexperience across the board, especially at LB / WR
-  Finding the #2 and #3 WR (not incl. the TE group)
-  Lack of takeaways
-  Breaking in a new C, RG
-  Defense allowing big plays 

II.  The 2016 Schedule (Ignore at your own peril, trap games abound!)

September
3       @Texas                  Austin here we come...
10     Nevada         
17     Michigan State      Linipalooza VI!
26     Duke                      The (Corrigan) boys are back in town...

October
1      @Syracuse       
8     @NC State         
15    Stanford             Alumni Hall reunion!

29   Miami                 

November
5      @Navy     
12     Army 
21     Va. Tech 
28    @USC    

What Does 2016 ND Football Success Look Like To You?

I've taken the liberty of putting my brother Kevin down for 12 wins - because he always goes for 12 wins.  Foolish?  Impulsive?  Perhaps. But I've also learned that he has memberships at five Napa / Sonoma wineries.  And I've tasted his stock of 2002 Joseph Phelps Insignia (talk about being 'real and spectacular', that stuff is phenomenal)... so he's surely sitting somewhere in the Bay area, no doubt smugly wondering who's the fool now, Blog Boy?  

Point well taken, Kev. 

Wins	Which Nic Flick R U?	Why ND Relevant	Wager
12	Raising Arizona	Genius from start to finish. And be honest – you never thought it’d be as terrific as it ended up being.	Kevin C.
11	Adaptation	Über clever direction meets surprising performances even if one is a bit confused by the overall journey.
10	Leaving Las Vegas	By all objective measures a high quality performance.  So why does one now feel so despondent?	JP, Matt, Ray,
9	Con Air	At times both awful and awesome, but with enough enjoyable lines (and stuff getting blown up) to distract one from the disappointment of what could’ve been something really special.	Terry
8	National Treasure	Nowhere near great. But one finds oneself looking back on it more fondly than is justified.  And if no one’s around... satisfying enough that one’ll watch it when it comes on late at night.	Jim T
7	The Wicker Man	You've seen this movie before.  Literally.  And you weren't that impressed the first time.   You're cognizant that you've entered The Disaster Zone - where career legacies are re-written.  And never for the good.
6	Ghost Rider	Oh dear Lord.   You feel physically ill just watching this – and knowing it’s not an   aberrant 'one off' performance.
5  and under	Season of the Witch	We’ve fallen and we're not getting back up.   How incredibly sad. What's on The History Channel?

Recruiting Update!

This time of year, reporting on recruiting is kind of ridiculous.  18 years change their school choices about as often as they change their clothes. And with considerably more pressure. 

For all the disadvantages that ND surely has in that environment, one thing it seems they've sold exceptionally well is the perception that once you've got that ND degree,  you've got it made.  I recently saw this quote from a highly regarded CB prospect out of SoCal:  

"The most appealing thing about ND is the academics and how different it is.  People say it's boring but it's not.  It's about school and football but it's more than that. You're going to school with millionaires and billionaire kids so you'll be set up for life just based on the connections you make throughout your time there..."

Set up for life. Who am I to tell the lad otherwise?  And good for ND for selling that perception.  But one does wonder whether these kids grasp the "but you gotta put in some work too" part of that equation.  And whether that contributes to the academic disconnect for some of them when they finally realize effort actually is required.

Final thought:  I think it's safe to say that ND is getting the hang of the whole social media thing when it comes to recruiting.   Now if they'd just get the hang of the basketball facilities matter thing. 
If the Cubs can figure it out...

Schadenfreude of the Montb 

"Celebrating The Misfortune of Other Teams Since 1956"

Chad Le Clos.  

As in, "Le Clos but no cigar". 

Every American knows, Chad, you don't tug on Superman's cape.  Ever.


Or perhaps a more pedestrian "don't piss off Darth Vader" analogy is more appropriate. 

Terry's Trolls

1.  Lilli King.  This may surprise you but I think it's time for this champion of clean Olympics to just shut up.   Yes, you're 19, you put your money where your mouth was and all of Life is utterly black and white to you. But the circumstances behind some of the doping suspensions are not so East German-Lance Armstrong calculatingly clear cut (e.g., the Olympic committee banning substances that were legal for years) and secondly, it's a slippery slope.  Be careful.  One unfortunate medical prescription and you could be the next internet meme. 

2. Hope Solo.   You guys lost. Deal with it.  Show some class. If one is going to assign responsibility for why U.S. Women's soccer team didn't defend their Olympic title, you might want to look a little closer to home than Sweden.  

And you didn't exactly bring your 'A' game to Rio, now did you?  

3.  Kohei Uchimura.  There's a lot of things in this world that mystify me, like auto-erotic asphyxia - WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?! - but recently the whole Pokemon Go craze has got to be near the top.   So when I read that the Japan's (the country that also gave us Hello Kitty) 6-time world champion gymnast (and two-time Rio gold medal winner), lands in Rio and almost immediately racks up ~ $5,000 in roaming charges playing... 

 4.  Baylor.   "Watch out, you might get what your after..."  

After about three straight months of horrific news coming out of Waco, we get last week's headline:  "Baylor  OL played full season while under  investigation for sexual harassment." Finally getting arrested for felony stalking this summer. 

Oh. Really.  And this following the interim coach Jim Groce declaring that Baylor doesn't have a culture of bad behavior while ex-coach Art Briles muses that he's still mystified as to why he was fired.  

Talk about a program that needs to be 'rent asunder'.   And soon. 

"I call this The Contemplative Swan..."

5.  Jim Harbaugh. Yes, with your cupcake schedule, your Wolverines are already the fashionable choice for a playoff berth this year.  

And yes, I am resentful that you, apparently, can do in one year what ND's been unable to sustain for 25 but... for just one minute could you stop being  


SO 

FREAKING

WEIRD?

Buddy's Buddy

It is fashionable to talk about 'once-in-a-generation' athletes - Jordan, Tiger, Spittler - but objectively, does anyone compare, within their sport, to Michael Phelps?  

And don't even be bringing that weak Usain Bolt argument... 9 gold medals merely gets you a distant tie for 2nd place in the gold medal metrics race.  

Katie Ledecky?  Pretty awesome but let's see her do it for the next 12 years... need I remind everyone of The Missy Franklin flame out? 

Here's Mike's Olympic numbers over 16 years:  Five competitions, 23 gold medals,  28 total medals, 2 DUI's, 1 famous bong hit.  

And putting down Chad after all his ridiculous pre-race gamesmanship was awfully satisfying.  Well done, Mike. 'Coming-out-of-retirement' mission accomplished.

Cocktail of The Month

"Match that innovation, Wharton!"

With the heavy Olympic influence of this blog, unfortunately my book didn't have a Chariots of Fire cocktail adaptation. Otherwise we'd no doubt be queuing up the Vangelis and extolling the virtues of something Pimms-based.

Instead we're going with one of my least favorite films - curmudgeon thy name is Terry - but most personally endearing cocktails, albeit in very infrequent doses. 

Or when I'm at The Big House around that interesting friend of Belknap's.

And since I did introduce earlier the idea of aliens being amongst us...

Long Island E.T.

E.T. (1982)

Directed By Steven Spielberg

The rare outer-space saga that favors love over laser beams, Spielberg's extra-special terrestrial was history's top-grossing film for over a decade - until the director's own pack of dinosaurs stomped all over his record, that is.  You'd have to be from Mars to remain dry-eyed during this boy-meets-alien tale, which features a young Drew Barrymore as the little sister of lead Henry Thomas - whose weepy audition tape for "Elliott" is floating around online and really has to be seen to be believed. 

But I digress. 

One of the movie's more memorable sequences finds Elliott suddenly inspired to kiss a girl during science class.  Do your own chemistry experiment with this '80s take on the kitchen sink cocktail:

• 3/4 oz. light rum
• 3/4 oz. vodka
• 3/4 oz.  gin
• 3/4 oz. tequila blanco
• 3/4 oz. triple sec
• 1/2 oz. lemon juice
• 1/2 oz. orange juice
• '80s era cola (e.g., Tab) to fill

Combine all the ingredients (except for the cola) in a shaker and dry shake briefly.  Dump the whole thing over fresh ice in a Collins glass and fill to the top with the cola.  Now chase with a handful of Reese's Pieces.  

Drink quickly. Wait 15 minutes.  See God. Make your ND bet. Rinse and repeat. 

Final Thought - I

Even tailgaters need a training camp...