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Monday, November 20, 2017

Week 11: Move On, Nothing To See Here

I know to you, it might sound strange
But I wish it would rain...

Young Jerrence awoke to the steady pounding of the rain on his Scotchlandia homestead, an occasional crackle in the distance, breaking up the monotony of the downpour.

Oh good.  Thunder and lightning.

 An hour later, his wife watched as he threw on his all-weather, holocaust cloak before making his way to the car. "You're really going to do this," she asked, her expression equal parts incredulous and condescending.  The slight smirk was an expression he knew all too well - it screamed, "even after 35 years, your questionable decision-making skills take my breath away..."


Jerrence returned that look with one of his own, a steely-eyed-with-furrowed-brow glance that suggested a "woman, I don't expect you to understand, this is something I gotta do" attitude - as if he was going off to war.

In point of fact, all he was doing was driving an hour to campus, to hang out in the pouring rain with his classmates at the final 2017 Stayer tailgater before the ND - Navy game.


Who's hungry?  Thirsty?
And besides, this has nothing to do with questionable decision making.  You wanna see poor decisions, how about:  

* Trying to climb the ND administration building at 4am, post-dorm party, two weeks into his freshman year and getting caught by campus police.  Goodbye, Notre Dame degree, that didn't take long.

*  Jerrence's driving back to ND's campus from the Stevensville A-Frames after 101 Club evening in '78, hammered, at the end of  junior year.  And requiring a similarly inebriated Lini talk our way out of a DUI.  (Those were different times back then.)


When in Rome Shanghai...
Editor's note #1:  What's that expression about nothing good ever happening after midnight?  They may be on to something.

*  Drinking snake blood in that 'all-things-serpent' Shanghai restaurant, circa '99.  And having it dawn on him only later that there surely was no blood purification equipment on-site.  

Editor's note #2:  the other option was snake bile.  And yes, I suppose there was option #3 - DON'T DRINK EITHER.  But this isn't really a Ted Talk on solid decision-making, now is it?

Editor's note #3:  the snake skin salad, BTW, was delicious.

At any rate, the point is... Saturday's choice to attend the rainy day tailgate wasn't 'questionable,' merely... quixotic.    And while the team's play would later reveal far more head scratching decisions by the team, it also wasn't the disaster many might like to paint it.  

Look at it this way - ND won a one possession game against a team that always plays them tough.  Best not to over-think it.  Stanford, here we come. 


Word of the Week

Used in a sentence:  Young Jerrence approached the last tailgate of the Notre Dame season as if it were the final reveal of some great mystery, some great performance art whose denouement would answer the months-long question, is this team any good?   

Later, back in his sylvan Scotchlandia homestead, in his Aaron Rodgers onesie with crackling fireplace  and his faithful manservant, Macallan, by his side, he ruminated over what he'd just experienced.  


While the tailgate was predictably enjoyable, the game was... weird.  That part of the day was indeed like past performance art he'd witnessed, insofar as he found it a largely pointless, if occasionally visceral, waste of a couple hours that left him alternatively uncomfortable and challenged.  

But he considered the positive:  unlike performance art, at least the players never got naked in front of him.



Cocktail of the Week

Like the movie below, this week's game might've made you cry.

Like the weather the game was played in, the event merited something hot to warm your innards if you were going to actually invest in attending the game.

Like the actors that played the leads in the film, you've seen ND's stars perform much, much better.

Sloppy In Seattle
Sleepless In Seattle (1993)
Directed by Nora Ephron

The rare romantic comedy in which the leads don't even meet until the final scene, Sleepless casts the 90's most dateable duo as its lonely, long-distance lovers.  

Tom Hanks is the recently widowered Washington-state architect whose son wants dad to find love again.  

Meg Ryan is the Maryland reporter who hears the father-son saga on a call-in radio show.

And the Empire State Building is the Affair To Remember-evoking meeting place that finally brings the two together - which, in turn, brought audiences in by the weeping busloads.



You'll be up all night after our Seattle-worthy coffee cocktail that's worth staying awake for.
  • shot of espresso
  • 1 oz. whiskey
  • 1/2 oz. amaro liqueur
  • ground cinnamon, for garnish
Brew the espresso and pour into a small mug.  Add the whiskey and amaro, and sprinkle the cinnamon on top.  Serve warm and get out the Kleenex.


Quote of the Week



"Look at the bright side, even though it's raining, at least it's a cold rain."


Bob Rasmus,
 Raconteur 
Bon Vivant
Incorrigible Pollyanna 



Against a Navy team that ND never seems to figure out (we could seemingly game plan all year and it still would not help) Bob would later need that all of that sunny, glass-half-full optimism. 



I'm always falling when you come calling
And now there's always a chance of rain...


Observations of the Game
  • The good news:  I did watch the entire game this week.
  • The better news:  I have relatively little incremental to add even if I hadn't.  (Good for you since this'll free up time - you have Thanksgiving prep to get to!)
  • The best news:  ND didn't play as bad as you (and the much of ND Nation) probably think they did.


How to get... 
1.  As a guy who's been a lifelong Packer fan (and benefitted from watching Hall-of-Fame QB's for the past 25 years), here's the ugly reality:  in football as the QB position goes, so goes the team.  It's not especially fair but so what, Sparky, Life's not fair.  

So until ND's defense becomes the Second Coming of the Steel Curtain (not this year), they won't win 10 - much less 11 - games unless Wimbush plays consistently a lot better.

2.  So bitch all you want about Long calling passing plays on the first series but they've almost always been simple throws, ones that should've allowed Wimbush to get in a rhythm and loosen up a defense that's clearly going to overplay the run.  And Brandon simply hasn't executed.
...your WR paralyzed.

3.  
That said, I still just don't understand why we struggle against that team.  Why we don't get tired, year after year, and come out with fire in the eyes and a "we're the merciless gods of your universe" attitude.  Is it that we play them late in the year and everyone's mentally worn down?

4.  And once again, how good is our offensive line, really?  Of all the teams they've played this year, shouldn't this have been the one team they could impose their will upon? 

5.  Amazing that once Navy gets to midfield, it's automatically 4 down territory.  I heard an opinion (granted, it was from the approaching-Corso-level-senility Don Criqui) that defenses are so geared to being 3-down stopping-focused that they relax after that. 

I can't believe I just quoted that hypothesis.

Think it's gonna rain?

6.  Regarding Navy's head coach, whom heretofore I've mentally categorized as "David Shaw Lite" - perpetually grumpy and begrudging with any post-game recognition of ND - I'm lightening up:

* he always has his team prepared.  And how do you not appreciate his 'go for it' (see pt. 5) game plan?


* he was extremely respectful yesterday, with a very cool anecdote about him approaching both Kelly and Greer Martini afterwards, essentially asking 'when is he (Martini) graduating' because he always plays the option so well.  
7.   The Kelly Haters have to be in agony.  And by the looks of the message boards, there's a lot of them in pain right now.

8.  The end-of-Navy game protocol, where each team respectfully observes the other's song, still is very, very cool.  

I still hate playing that team.


9.  Can we please return to normal, familiar uniforms?  And not just at du Lac. Every week you turn on the TV and you can't even tell whose playing.  

One man's opinion:  yesterday's uni's were... not an especially good look.

"But the kids like them, Jerrence."


The few, the proud, the damp.
10.  And one final shout out to the Stayer (it'll always be 'A' Lot to me) gang for committing to one last tailgate for the year.  

As Messr. Flaherty so astutely pointed out, we've got more of these events in our rearview mirror than in front of us - so enjoy 'em while they last.  

And having the Navy SEAL's there was a nice addition.  Neat guys.

So... until next year.

Or when we collectively get our acts (and schedules) together to do something like this for a 2017-18 ND hockey weekend.


Such a long, long time to be gone
And a short time to be there...

Buddy's Buddy


One of the consistently baffling dynamics about the ND 'final home game for the seniors' event - taking the incredibly pesky, irritating Navy offense out of the equation for the moment - is how small the Irish comes up for that game.

One would think that, for the handful of guys who run out there pre-game, and greet their parents... while the crowd cheers their appreciation... you'd think they'd be SKY HIGH. That they'd play the Game of Their Lives.  

And yet that rarely seems to be the case.  The game is usually - not always but usually - a very winnable game.  Still, the team plays down to whomever the opponent is.   Oh what the hell, let's blame Kelly for that too.  

But I digress. 

Yesterday seemed to witness the rare exception to that rule:  a player who, perhaps because of the particular offense he was facing, actually did play the game of his career.

Greer Martini, come on down

15 tackles, career high.  And it came at exactly the right time. 

Nicely done.


Have another, I believe I will...
(Couldn't resist the pun.)

Schedule

September
2      Temple                      W        
9     Georgia                       L - inipalooza VII
16    @Boston College     W 
23    @Michigan State    W
30    Miami (OH)            W   

October
7      @UNC                       W
14                       
21    USC                            W        
28   NC State                   W            

November
4      Wake Forest             W             
11     @Miami                    L            
18     Navy                          W         
25    @Stanford


The Wager

And then there were 16... 

The good news:  someone is going to win The Arty this year!  Huzzah!  Which means a select few will get to play the BCS tie-breaker game (the guidelines of which, we'll re-visit after next week's game).

The bad news:  10 of you just went down in flames in a game you probably don't even feel represented a victory.  Bummer for you - as the saying goes, 'they don't ask how, they ask how many'.


Wins
Trumpian Rating
Contestant
12

Yuge.
Greatest Achievement,
In The History of The World.

Bryan G, Brian M, Joe S
11
Dave MRaz The Elder
10



Failure.
Losers and Nut Jobs,
All Of ‘Em.
Terry, Jay, Lini, JP, John P, Phillip, Ted, Peter B, Daryl
9
Matt L, Graham C, Mark UShea CDennis RBob JJerry C
8
Dave G, Kevin C, Jim S, Jerry P, Tim S, Alex SJim B, Brian W,  Spittler the Elder, Blair
7
Bill B, Jim T, Tim C, Mike CMike G, Jerry W, Kevin M, Tom F,  Ryan CGarrett R
6
Ray V, Alvin B, John L, Randy Ri, Ward H
5
Jim R, Randy Ra,
4

3 or less


Schadenfreude of the Week 
I didn't realize until mid-week that this particular game, in virtually everyone's schedule, is a Back To The Future September / Pay-Off-A-Patsy Week as one preps for presumably bigger games the following week(s):

Delta State, really FSU?

Mercer, honestly 'Bama?

So the sad news is there's really only one candidate this week - but it's a fan favorite:


I once caught a fish this big...
1.  Michigan.   Harbaugh's not looking so much like God's Gift to Coaching anymore, does he?  And for a guy who was, you know, a STAR QB, his recruiting of that position seems awfully pedestrian. 

And the Brits say we Yanks don't appreciate irony... 

2.  Oklahoma State.  Okay, more than just one candidate.  Truth be told, I'm not even sure who's in the Big 12 but I'm pretty sure this 'national power' is.  And they got beat by a team coached by a geriatric who once shared a sleeper car with Frank Leahy on magical cross country rail trip, post-Korean War.  The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name.  

Okay, that last bit may not be true.

Terry's Trolls



"1 - 2 - 3 - 4, cretins want to hop some more!
  4 - 5 - 6 - 7, all good cretins go to heaven.

There's no stopping the cretins from hoppin'..."






One has to wonder what I would've done this year without the consistent contributions of the Louisville basketball program and the Ball family?  I must remember to give thanks on Thursday.

1.  Florida State.  You should be ashamed of yourself, FSU AD. 
If Jim Thompson can't identify the team's nickname (and I'm doubtful he can), it can't be a real college program.

The Jeopardy judges would've also accepted The Statesmen.


2. LaVar Ball.  As many of you are probably aware, I'm not a big fan of POTUS.  Shocker!  

So it takes a lot to call someone else out as being an even emptier vessel.  And an even bigger anomaly to recognize Trump as being on the right side of a situation.

But you, LaVar Ball, have pulled off that feat.  Bravo!   By opining that The Mad King had nothing to do with your idiot son's swift release from Chinese incarceration, you win!  I mean, how do you think it happened - the clout of your Big Baller brand?  Give The Donald his due.


3. Baker Mayfield.   I must also confess to a certain bias against the athletes from the Plain States. I assume most are of a genetic strain barely above Forrest Gump hayseed level, unless, of course, they play for my teams, in which case their lack of IQ (intellectual or emotional) is considered endearing, folksy charm. 

I'm also extremely tired of athletes exhibiting repeatedly classless behavior and then playing the Get Out of Jail card of "oh that's just Manny being Manny" or "he can't help it, he's just an emotional, fiery competitor."  

No, you're just an entitled, psychologically stunted athlete who's rarely held accountable for your actions.

So, Baker...  you're the odds-on-Heisman winner.  You've beaten the truly awful Kansas Jayhawks 41-3 and have to repeatedly taunt them with sophomoric gestures?  

Grow-the-f***-up. 
  
Final Thought

Stanford.  One game which may genuinely provide the ultimate referendum on 2017.  

  • Win and the 2017 Notre Dame turnaround story writes itself.  
  • Lose and you're leaving the door wide open for doubt and another disappointing recruiting close.

So let's not, okay? 

I want this last game badly.  Maybe not as badly as my brother Kevin, who lives in the Bay area, but badly.
But when the lights are turnin' round
The wheels are flowin' on the ground
The day I burned this whole place down...


Burn, baby, burn.



Friday, November 17, 2017

Week 10: Cupcakes vs. Convicts

So it begins... fantastic delusion.
Time and again, time and again...


Well that sucked.  But at least it was a relatively quick outcome that allowed the viewing audience to hit the ejector seat button, the west coast fanbase, in particular, having a full evening free.  The poor in-stadium ND fans not being so lucky.  (I still have nightmares from the BCS Championship game, trapped in that stadium... the outcome determined in the first 5 minutes and having to hear "Roll Tide" repeatedly for the next three hours.)  Which leads me to...


Next stop, South Beach. 
Ever hear of The Vale of Shadows?  

It's a Dungeons & Dragons thing - and aren't you just more than a little bit nervous that I would even know this? - described as "a dimension that is a dark reflection, or echo, of our world.  It is a place of decay or death, a plane out of phase, a place with monsters.  It is right next to you and you don't even see it."

Oh I saw it alright.  


At least they got a nice transatlantic ride first...
It's called Hard Rock Stadium.  Not a lot of humanity witnessed there.  And for those counting, the last two times ND has played there, they've been on the business end of a combined 83-22 beat down.  I would humbly submit to Mr. Swarbrick that he lobby hard for a different venue (Cuba perhaps?) next time the chance to play in south Florida comes up.


At any rate, I know about The Vale because after the 3rd Miami INT - the pick 6 - and before the ceremonial bequeathing of that insipid turnover chain - I turned off the game and switched to re-watching the first season of the Netflix series, "Stranger Things."   

Familiar with the show?  Set in the dystopian Gerry Faust Era of early 1980's Indiana - so you know it's both scary and ridiculous - the series is a very conscious (and rather wonderful) homage to the horror / kid bonding movies of that era.  Everything from Stephen King to John Carpenter to David Cronenberg and Spielberg, you can find a reference. 

No!  Don't send me to Coral Gables! 
But the thing to remember is this:  while the conceit is your basic sci-fi mystery with much adversity and challenges for the protagonists throughout, the series season does end happily.  Well, more or less - except for Barb, the cute girl's stereotypic awkward, big-boned best friend who - SPOILER ALERT - remains trapped, problematically, in the aforementioned netherworld.  Admittedly, the show's conclusion is something of a buzzkill for her.

Stay on point, Jerrence. 

I submit that it's mindful for us all to remember that as horrific as last weekend was, the team remains 8-2, with every victory a 20+ margin... and having the very reasonable chance to still go 10-2 and a New Year's Day bowl.  Who wouldn't have signed up for that in August?  

Other than, obviously, the 12-0 and 11-1 loons.




Word of the Week

Used in a sentence:  Accompanied by the first of what he anticipated would be more than a few drams on his solitary single malt tour of Scotland, young Jerrence watched Notre Dame's first drive of the game with great optimism.   

So close to a TD pass.  

We'll get 'em next time!

Then, poof.

Now, in painful hindsight, he recognized he had been witnessing merely the vestigial signs of a Notre Dame offense, previously nearly unstoppable - a group that, for reasons that escaped him (lack of speed, poor strategy, the opponent's intimidation perhaps), caved like a house of cards.  

And with an immediacy that was both bewildering and embarrassing.   Gee, that's not easy to do, he thought to himself.



Cocktail of the Week

Gee, how does one categorize a movie that 15 minutes into it, you know you are watching something horrific?   Not 'good' horrific, like Sam Raimi's The Evil Dead.  Or Mystery Science Theater's so bad-it's-brilliant The Brain That Wouldn't Die horrific.

No, we're talking genuinely bad "how can I extricate myself from this in the most expedient way possible" horrific.    Embarrassing horrific.   

Go to confession horrific.   Leave a bad taste in your mouth horrific, literally and figuratively.

That's this week's theme cocktail.

Little Schnapps of Horrors
Little Shop of Horrors (1986)
Directed by Frank Oz

Directed by the prolific puppeteer behind Miss Piggy and Yoda, this humorous Horrors show was adapted from an off-Broadway hit that itself was based on a 1960 B-movie version featurung a young Jack Nicholson.  

Set on an all-American skid row (but filmed on a British soundstage), the musical starred Rick Moranis as sad-sack Seymour, whose discovery of a rare plant helps turn a struggling neighborhood flower shop around - until said plant begins eating the neighbors, that is.

You'll give two green thumbs up to this all-plant-based cocktail with a verdant Red Vine finish.
  • 1 1/2 oz. tequila
  • 3/4 oz. elderflower liqueur
  • 1/2 oz. Green Chartreuse liqueur
  • 1/4 oz. Galliano liqueur
  • 1/4 oz. melon schnapps
  • Red Vine candy straw, for garnish
Pour all the ingredients (except for the Red Vine) into a mixing glass, add ice, and stir well.  Strain into a cocktail glass and garnish with a Red Vine candy "straw."  (No humans were harmed in the making of this drink).  


Quote of the Week


"He has Van Gogh's ear for music..."

Billy Wilder
Filmmaker


Pretty much summing up ND's competence Saturday night. 


Observations of the Game


WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?


Not a lot to say, especially since, again, I watched only 1/2 of the game - though I'm pretty sure the 2nd half didn't represent much of a sea-change:


1.  One of those teams really, really wanted that game.  And it wasn't us.

2.  Woulda Coulda Shoulda dept.:  ND'd very first series, it's probably 7-0 if Claypool doesn't drop a very catchable pass and / or Wimbush doesn't overthrow a very open ESB.  Does that change the ultimate outcome?  Probably not but... 

3.    Not-So-Fun Facts:  Miami's scoring drives were as follows:

  • 58 yds.  (TD)
  • 44 yds.  (TD)
  • 48 yds.  (FG)
  • -4 yds.  (FG)
  • 0 yds.  (TD)
  • 90 yds. (TD)
  • 30 yds.  (TD)

So, two drives that went beyond midfield.  Thank you, offense.

4.  Apparently it takes our defense four times - and 20 points - to recognize we might want to spy the QB draw play. 

5.  I'm not inclined to throw Kelly completely under the bus for this debacle - he didn't throw those passes and drop those balls - but one have to would think someone needs to be accountable for our QB's lack of development, yes?  Brandon's been in the program for three years.


6.   I know nothing about coaching but... I'm beginning to wonder whether Kelly's ceiling is always going to be 10 wins.  Does that make him the Mike Brey (circa 2001-14) of football -  win 75% of your games, occasionally sniff the BCS, graduate your players?  

That sound you hear is Tom Feifar having an epileptic episode.

7.  Of all the loathsome fanbases out there - and there are more than a few truly terrifying ones - Miami has to be at the top.  The stories you hear/read of the abuse of visiting fans is truly sickening.  

Buddy's Buddy


Following on from the emotional roller coaster that was my Saturday night - huuuge build up (I even watched some of Game Day and senile Lee Corso - get that man a drool bucket!), the immediate disappointment of a failed 1st drive, the precipitous, wheels-come-off-in-spectactular-fashion 1st half, my subsequent truncated tour of Scotland because who wants to tour that country  in less than a happy frame of mind (hello? Macbeth!) finally, finding redemption in a multi-Netflix episode binge, there can only be one candidate.


And it sure as hell isn't anyone connected to the Notre Dame football program. 


Oh to have had an ND player with telekinetic power Sat. night...
"Stranger Things" Dustin.  to elaborate a tad on my prior synopsis, in small town Indiana, a secret government experiment goes awry, a young boy goes missing, his pre-teen friends partner with a telekinetic test subject to rescue him, involving on-going hi-jinx, a smattering of teenage angst and some important life lessons learned.  Like, if the local Power & Electric company show up at your door (a group that doesn't show even when they're asked) - and you didn't request a service call, RUN.

Oh yeah, and a chain-smokin', barely holding it together Winona Ryder features prominently.   

In Scotchlandia, we call that Thursday.   And the chubby, toothless, wise-beyond-his-years Dustin is The Man.  He'd be the mayor of Scotchlandia.  And at the risk of piling on, it would not be a great leap to believe he would've had ND better prepared if he'd been in charge.

Schedule

September
2      Temple                      W        
9     Georgia                       L - inipalooza VII
16    @Boston College     W 
23    @Michigan State    W
30    Miami (OH)            W   

October
7      @UNC                       W
14                       
21    USC                            W        
28   NC State                   W            

November
4      Wake Forest             W             
11     @Miami                    L            
18     Navy              
25    @Stanford


The Wager

I still keep arriving at 11 wins...
Team '11 Wins' (the few, the proud, the deeply delusional)... don't be sad!  Be happy you made it this far!  Truth be told, we all saw you as a delicious mix between John Nash and Ted Kaczynski... except without the manifesto-inspired cabin in the woods and the imaginary gov't agents chasing you. 

For the remaining intrepid 26 contestants... The Arty, as our new trophy will heretofore be known, remains in your grasp! Buck up!


And put away that long face - there's still much to play for!  (And pat yourself on the back - after all, you shrewdly surmised the team would be in this territory.)


Wins
Trumpian Rating
Contestant
12

Yuge.
Greatest Achievement,
In The History of The World.

Bryan G, Brian M, Joe S
11
Dave MRaz The Elder
10



Failure.
Losers and Nut Jobs,
All Of ‘Em.
Terry, Jay, Lini, JP, John P, Phillip, Ted, Peter B, Daryl
9
Matt L, Graham C, Mark UShea CDennis RBob JJerry C
8
Dave G, Kevin C, Jim S, Jerry P, Tim S, Alex SJim B, Brian W,  Spittler the Elder, Blair
7
Bill B, Jim T, Tim C, Mike CMike G, Jerry W, Kevin M, Tom F,  Ryan CGarrett R
6
Ray V, Alvin B, John L, Randy Ri, Ward H
5
Jim R, Randy Ra,
4

3 or less


Schadenfreude of the Week 


Turns out, Misery doesn't actually love company.   At least it didn't Saturday night.  Just ask my wife.

But we must soldier on.  And if one can be even a tad objective, even for a nano-second, isn't this kinda why we like college football - college sports (see March Madness) - so much?  

Here's another fun fact I learned at a Gen Z  (the population cohort, roughly in the 4-20 age group) seminar this week:


"What's his name, K-K-Ken? I call him... lunch."

*  Gen Z'ers, i.e., your basic college athlete, have an attention span of 0:08
*  Goldfish have an attention span of 0:07
(My personal best is :06.)

So within the context of several supposedly very good teams getting smoked the last couple weeks, maybe we ought to tap the breaks just a bit on the "ND Is Now Awful" narrative.  

Instead, let's celebrate the positive - other teams being momentarily awful:

1.  Georgia.   At the time, Auburn's trouncing of Georgia was thrilling so thank you Auburn for a wonderful Saturday afternoon.   Even if it did set me up for the cruelest of disappointments later that evening. 

2. Michigan State.   Another game which actually was probably more 'schaden' than 'freude' but given the high esteem held for Mark Dantonio, one can still find some comfort in the MSU embarrassment.   Plus, ultimately, it took some of the attention away from ND's flame out. So there's that.

3.  Washington.  See point 2;  I love seeing Stanford get beat - it's a David Shaw thing - but at the time, even I could put personal animus aside and recognize that this loss was very good for ND.  The operative words being 'at the time.'  Now, not so much.

4.  Florida State.  For this year, Old Faithful.  That you have to re-schedule your September hurricane-cancelled game just to possibly qualify for 6-win bowl eligibility is truly inspiring.   Given that you're finishing w such powerhouses as Delaware St., Florida and Louisiana Monroe, it's fair to say you deserve whatever you get.

Terry's Trolls
...


"1 - 2 - 3 - 4, cretins want to hop some more!
  4 - 5 - 6 - 7, all good cretins go to heaven.

There's no stopping the cretins from hoppin'..."




1.  Jameis Winston.   Stop me if you've heard a variation on this theme before:  the NFL has opened an investigation into an incident involving Winston groping a... Uber driver.    

Oh boy.  First of all, who isn't increasingly depressed by the increasing prevalence of these cases - across every industry - coming to light?  

And please, spare me if you're jumping on the 'these are opportunistic, gold-digging women' bandwagon - almost every case has been met with swift non-denial.   More like, "um, I don't recall the incident but I'm very sorry if something did occur..."

Not that Jameis will ever exhibit even that level of accountability.  And by the way, Jameis... Uber, really?   

a) you're wealthy
b) your team will spring for driver service for you.  



2. Florida Gator fans.  Such are the heartfelt stream-of-conscious meanderings of a fanbase less than pleased with their freshman QB.  


Ever been in a Chinese prison?
3. LiAngelo Ball and his UCLA knucklehead teammates .  
The  bad news:  the Chinese government wasn't quite done adjudicating your little crime.  So you had to stay a little longer while the rest of the UCLA team went home to start their season.  


Relax, the thank you note is in the mail...

The good news:  you gave the attention deprived POTUS his signature Year I achievement that he so desperately needed.




4.  Jerry Jones / Roger Goodell.  Honestly, it's tough to tell who is the bigger tool in their little rich guy fight over power and money within the ridiculously lucrative NFL.  And while probably a toss up*, I'm going to go with Mr. Jones given a) his Ezekial Elliott support, b) his out-of-control ego (with Rooney's and Mara's still on the owner list, did you really call yourself the league's ranking owner?  You're not even the wealthiest) and c) the potential great shame he brings to the Jerry name.  DO YOU NOT GRASP THE RESPONSIBILITY THAT COMES THE NAME?! 

That last risk, one simply cannot abide.

*Roger, did you really ask for $50M / year and a private jet?  Let's be honest, a rhesus monkey could do most of your job.  

Final Thought

A wise man once said, it's not getting knocked down that defines us - it's in the getting back up. Now is a time for quiet reflection and serious introspection, like one might if one was driving down the NJ Turnpike late at night... let's see what ya got, ND.


Hey Mr. DJ, won't you hear my last prayer...





So sorry, Navy (and our new Navy pals Paul, Dave, Coulter, James), but this week, like Ivan Drago, we must break you. 



Then again, that story turns out all right for the U.S., doesn't it?

I guess we'll see...