Week 4 (2012): They Don't Ask 'How', They Ask 'How Many'

"There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It's an area which we call the 'A' Lot... " 

4^th Quarter.  2:35 left.  “Cut it like a knife” tension is palpable and I… I am suddenly transported back in time to Spring, 1978.  North Dining Hall. The finals of Famous Deaths In Food where, as the title suggests, contestants recreate famous deaths through the medium of the dining hall’s ever changing food offering. And through the prelims, the competition definitely brought its ‘A’ game, - Jayne Mansfield, Marilyn Monroe, JFK but highlighted by:

• Perez and his interpretation of “The Assasination of Czar Nicholas & Alexandria and Their Hemophiliac Son” – exploiting the near limitless availability of foodservice ketchup.  Poignant.
• McLean and his “Shower Scene From ‘Psycho’” – utilizing a hollowed out baked potato filled with mixed vegetables, a butter knife and crucially, the gap in his teeth to squirt water while relentlessly stabbing.  Unnerving.
• The recreation of “The Poseidon Adventure” and one contestant’s willingness to get drenched in a tsunami of cola. Courageous. 

After a solid prelim performance - recreating the cautionary myth, “Icarus” (a lemon sun, a couple leaves of iceberg lettuce, a bowl of water and a perfect 10 pt. splash from 2’ above) - it was no time for me to play it safe.  And so, with a SRO crowd including the Head of the Dining Hall (“this isn’t wasting your food, sir, this is… an homage”), much had been said, the time was now.

The finals were not without controversy (“wait a minute - Jonah never died in the Whale!”) but with focus maintained, I lead off with “David vs. Goliath” (mash potato giant, an army of green bean Philistines and a solitary pea finding its mark, tossed out of a straw’s paper sheath) and finished off with “The Lynching of Benito Mussolini” (powerful in its stark simplicity – think tea bag hanging noose and the plaintive cry of “Il Duce!  Il Duce!”).   Not perfect but victory was mine.

I am Mr. Famous Deaths.  The once and future king.

And so it was for the Irish Saturday night. Rising up to the moment. Meeting pressure head on. And on that crucial 3rd-and-4 pass to Tyler Eifert, I believe Kelly found his inner Benito.

Not a pretty game but since this is not Olympic gymnastics, style points don't really matter, do they?

Song of the Week
In tribute to the inaugural 'official' tailgater of the season, with a (nearly) complete quorum of the Spanish Armada of cars 'n hosts taking their usual places along Notre Dame Avenue sidewalk.  The breadth and depth of offering is, as always, spectacular.  Bonnie's sausage concoction makes the taste buds explode.  And Peter's specially treated vodka, while admittedly looking like human waste, makes the foundation for The World's Greatest Bloody Mary. Minutes later, okay maybe it was hours... who could tell... it was on to fried chicken, panini's, german sausages with possibly Grey Poupon... All the while getting reacquainted with my 2nd favorite UM fan, Paul (who apparently travels nowhere without at least six gallons of Long Island Ice Tea).

"And all the world is football-shaped

It's just for me to kick in space

And I can see, hear, smell, touch, taste

And I've got one, two, three, four, five

Senses working overtime

Trying to take this all in..."

It was, in a word, wonderful sensory overload.

Word of the Week

EXPURGATE

• transitive verb \ˈek-spər-ˌgāt\
• ex·pur·gat·ed ex·pur·gat·ing

1. to cleanse of something morally harmful, offensive, or erroneous; especially
2. to expunge objectionable parts from before publication or presentation <an expurgated edition of the letters> 

— ex·pur·ga·tion  noun

— ex·pur·ga·tor  noun

They felt it was necessary to expurgate his letters before publishing them.

<the newspaper had to expurgate the expletive-laden speech that the criminal made upon being sentenced to life imprisonment>

Origin of EXPURGATE

• Latin expurgatus, past participle of expurgare, from ex- + purgare to purge
• First Known Use: 1678

Used in a sentence, "Notre Dame's surprising 5 turn over effort represented a fitting, final expurgation of the eight year Denard Robinson Experience."


Random Observations Of The Game

Pre-Game

- Ted's engaged!  Woo hoo! This is gonna be a GREAT day.
- Irish Car Bomb desserts!  We now have the alcoholic dessert food group covered.
- Daughter Shea arrives with her UM fans... nice and seemingly normal until they start gravitating toward Cincotta.  Before long he is leading them in making human pyramids... oh boy.

1st Quarter

• Temple loses to Penn State.  Blast!  Not a good sign.
• UM trick play on the 2nd down of the game.  Not exactly an expression of confidence for your base offense.
• Golson throws INT on 1st ND play.  And Kelly... doesn't explode.  Hmmm.
• Tuitt is a beast.
• Denard, when he gets going, can get from pt. A to pt. B really fast.

2nd Quarter

•  Batting .500 in baseball is god-like.  In punting, not so much, Ben.
• Tough quarter for Everett.  Poor throws, worse decisions.  
• Apparently Denard is trying his hardest to either empathize w EG.  Or make him feel A LOT better about himself.  What a guy.
• Mayock:  "ND's inability to tun is putting a lot of pressure on their QB's..."  Ya think?

   

"Hurry, Judy!  We're going to be late for the
Impressionist exhibit at the Musee D'Orsay..."

Halftime

Meanwhile, somewhere on the Seine...

3rd Quarter - 

• Tommy starts.  No surprise. 
• This being Year 125 for ND, both teams apparently agreed at halftime to reenact their original 1880's epic battle and treat the forward pass like it's illegal.  Or immoral. 
• When did Zeke Motta get this good?

4th Quarter - 

"Where's Cierre?!"

• Our young DB's are not afraid to hit.
• Mystery Science Theater 2012:  why no Cierre, at all?
• Denard gets hit a lot. Hard.  One tough kid.
• How cool is it that a true freshman - named Sheldon no less - makes arguably the play of the game?

Summary Thoughts

• Usually when teams say 'we didn't lose, we beat ourselves' that nominates them for immediate toolhood.  But this might be one game where that analysis might have some credibility.
• So what.
• Our defense - it may not be 'Bama.  But they're pretty good. Above average. UM made a lot of mistakes but it's not giving ND's defense enough credit for the solid strategy and the consistent pressure they put on Denard.
• On the other side of the coin, our O-line is thoroughly average. At best.
• Here's what I think you need to know about Brian Kelly and his "QB philosophy 2.0":  It's all about production. He doesn't coddle, doesn't care about fragile psyches. I do believe he wants Golson to be The Guy. But he's not gonna do it at the expense of losing a game. Nothing personal. Just business.   
• Still don't understand our play calling philosophy:  aggressive when we're playing away, conservative when we're playing at home.  Hmmm.
• One game at a time.

If This Week's Game Were A Movie Poster, It'd Be... The Hunger Games

"The World Will Be Watching"

Irrespective of the lack of aesthetics to Saturday's performance, it probably can't be understated how important it was to win Saturday night's game. Prime time national audience, marquee rival opponent with a a guy who was Heisman trophy candidate just three weeks ago -  someone's who historically burned you in a variety of torturous ways.  Lose and you go back to poser status. Win and meaningful credibility is gained with both the media, peers and those 18 yr. old's whose favor you're still trying to get to bring their talents to South Beach Bend.

Which leads us to...

Recruiting
As most you know, the team was already at 20 commits - using the term extraordinarily loosely - before the game, with Michigan being probably the Big weekend this year.  Lots of kids on campus, committed and still looking, class of  '13 and '14.  Winning doesn't necessarily guarantee anything (hostesses do!)... But it sure doesn't hurt.

Our best recruiter?

The number is now up to 21 with Torii Hunter's commitment and seemingly no more than 3-4 spots left.

• The good news:  when you win, lots of great players find you interesting
• The bad news:  you can't take them all.
• What they're looking for:  CB, DE, RB, P*

Stay tuned.

* Before you say WTF, have you watched Turk punt?

Buddy's buddy

Let's just throw out the thought of any consideration for anyone on offense, okay?  Tommy steadied the ship, made a couple throws, showed he could hand off with the best of 'em... and without wholly discounting that contribution, no. This game was about the defense.  A case could be made for the secondary, what with all the timely INT's and fumble recoveries. And Danny Spond was a total revelation. But this game seemed to be showcased by one guy imposing his will...  seemingly being in the right place at the right time, repeatedly.  Plus there's the whole 'Angels in the Outfield' thing going on... Manti, there's no doubt Buddy's up there cheering you on with all your other loved ones. Even if he hasn't the slightest clue what's actually going on.

Tool Time

"We're not monsters. We're just ahead of the curve."

Occasionally, one gets asked the question of "Nature or Nuture" when it comes to tools.  Are they, in fact, tragically born that way or is there some triggering event that sent them down a darker, more irritating path?  This week, the evidence points to something genetic:

Lane Kiffin.  To quote Eddie Vedder, "born on 3rd base, thinks he hit a triple...", Laney has had an athletic career fast-tracked for him forever.  But it would appear the magnitude of the SC job (and the expectations) are getting to him. This week, a seemingly innocuous question regarding injury status lead him to run from his media update after 40 seconds!  You are the epitome of Poise and Professionalism.

Steve Spurrier.   Let's face it, you just know Steve was a d*** right out of the womb.  Probably captain and star of every sport he ever picked up, he's never been used to not getting his way.  As evidenced by his interpersonal skills with the media.  Whereas Lane is just deer-in-the-headlights inept, Steve is just a... douche.  Has a weekly Sunday morning teleconference, pastes Missouri and then decides after an opening statement to just. Hang. Up.  Alrighty then.  Maybe he was late for his tee time.

Golden Tate.   Proof that not all ND alums make you proud.  The Maple Donut Thief is the beneficiary of the worst blown call in a weekend of awful officiating - good for you, G-man - but in the resultant interview, when asked about his blatant push off, he answers, "Don't know what you're talking about."  Dude, the game's over. Man up.

Roger Goodell, NFL Owners.  Two words:  replacement refs.  Ugh. And then to have to watch smarmy Pete Carroll prance all over the field.  "Lisa, fetch the hot pokers for my eyes..."

Schadenfreude Winner.
Week 4 in college football... game start to get a little bit more interesting. Some more than others:

1. Oklahoma.  It's not that I intrinsically dislike you so much - not at least since the Barry Switzer years - but I have to take some joy in now believing the Norman game isn't totally hopeless.
2. BYU.   Far be it from me to criticize low scoring games but the fact that your coach went for 2 - late - instead of going for the tie and OT, makes me feel go that we won't be losing the intellectual battle when we play in a few weeks.
3. Clemson.  Okay, I'll just put this out there:  I don't believe your recent resurgence, on and off the field, is on the total up and up.  So even though you lost to someone I like less*, it's still a victory for us on the moral soapbox.

*FSU, who also did something nice this week in committing to honoring a scholarship for a recruit who suffered a career-ending injury.

     2012 Schedule.

September	October	December
1    @Navy (Dublin)            W 8    PURDUE                       W 15  @MSU                          W 22  MICHIGAN                  W 29	6    MIAMI (Soldier Field)* 13  STANFORD 20  BYU 27 @Oklahoma	3      PITT 10    @BC 17   WAKE FOREST 24    @USC

*Linipalooza III

Wager 2012.
Now's probably a good time to say that if your name is highlighted in yellow below, I've got you recorded as having paid this year's $25 wager fee. A lot of money was being handed me last weekend so if I missed anyone, give me a shout.

The fans of "Departed" territory are not looking good.  But, as always, eight games still to play.

Wins		ND-Scorsese connection	Contestant’s prediction	Pay-out
12		Hugo Sweet, compelling mystery that shows the virtues of faith and resilience. Everyone walks away happy and pleasantly surprised.
11
10			JP, Lini, Dave	$267
9		Goodfellas Awesome film about fulfilling one’s potential and realizing your dreams… even if it is becoming a gangster.  (Q.  Does ending in Witness Protection qualify as a happy ending?)	Bryan, Ted, Ray, Tim S, Bob S	$160
8			Jay, John, Peter, Raz, Kevin M, Tim C, Mark	$115
7			Jerry C, Matt, Jerry W, Jim B, Tom, Mike C, Jim T, Mike G Garrett R	$90
6		The Departed A terrific story about two Boston Irishmen’s different destinies set from childhood. So very close to a happy ending. And yet, so far.	Terry, Jim S, Jerry P, Brian, Blair R	$160
5			Kevin C, Alvin, Randy	$267
4
3		Taxi Driver Mentally unstable Viet Nam vet w. wildly unrealistic delusions of heroism.  He’s a total loser, albeit an incredibly   dangerous one. Sadly everybody knows it (incl. Rick Reilly) but him.
2
1
0

Final Thought #1

I apologize to my daughter and all her very cool, very nice UM friends.  But I cater to a decidedly lowbrow audience which leads me to do things of which I'm not always proud.

Plus I have 3 years of UM losses, totaling a cumulative :40 of clock left, that I'm still working through.

My therapist says this is good for me to get this out.

      

Week 3 (2012): 50 Lawyers At The Bottom Of A Lake

"There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It's an area which we call the 'A' Lot... " 

"A good start."   So goes the cruel-but-broadly-accurate answer to the question this post's title suggests.  And that's all anyone should take away from Saturday night's performance.

Backing up a bit, the Michigan State game always engenders conflicted feelings for me. They play like thugs, inevitably play us tough (quite often successfully) and consistently do classless things. Yet I simply can't engender the same amount of enmity for them like I do our Evil Twins in Ann Arbor. In a similar fashion,  I struggle with Aquaman's place in the pantheon of superheroes.  He's an (apparently) respected member of The Justice League of America - and one would think that has to count for quite a lot - but seriously, how legitimate are his credentials?

"You weren't in LA in November 1978, were you?"

His super powers, such as they are, involve the ability to control water and talk to sea creatures. It seems to me the latter doesn't do dookie for you unless you're battling evil Nazi U-boat commanders...

And as for the latter skill set... not that he isn't 'special' but, geez, I've seen Ray Volk communicate with fish...

 Michigan State, The Aquaman of ND rivals. Another reason to  probably not get overly excited about last week's victory.

Song of the Week
I miss coach Holtz.  Sure, the Dr. Lou act is a little embarrassing now. And back in the day, his habit of building up every single opponent like they were the 2nd Coming of The Pittsburgh Steelers Steel Curtain got old in about Year II.  And the habit of spitting on everyone has always been awkward.  But man, could that guy ever game plan. Give him two weeks and he could beat practically anyone, college or pro.

Obviously, we haven't seen much of that strategic cleverness in quite a long time.  All of us have surely wondered if we'd ever see anything like it again. Steve Earle's "Someday" touches on similar feelings of longing - the plaintive renderings of a guy confronting the hard, near hopeless, reality of life in his backwater town while still believing things are gonna change.  The song ends with no promises, just a hint of optimism.

Someday I'm finally gonna let go

'Cause I know there's a better way

And I wanna know what's over that rainbow

I'm gonna get out of here someday

Maybe last Saturday was a glimpse of ND's lot changing.  

Editor's note:  This song should be on everyone's iPod.  And not just because it's almost a sure 'get out jail free' card if you get stopped in the Deep South with a broken tail light and a cop who approaches you with a "yer not from around here, are ya boy?"  Hope you enjoy it.

Word of the Week

PIQUANT      pi·quant adjective \ˈpē-kənt, -ˌkänt; ˈpi-kwənt\

1  agreeably stimulating to the palate; especially : spicy

2  engagingly provocative; also : having a lively arch charm

— pi·quant·ly adverb

— pi·quant·ness noun

Origin of PIQUANT

• Middle French, from present participle of piquer
• First Known Use: 1630

Synonyms: pert, poignant, pungent, salty, savory (also savoury), zesty, zingy

Antonyms: insipid, zestless

Used in a sentence:   Coach Kelly's play calling was piquant in it's ability to consistently keep State's defense off balance just enough...

Observations Of The Game

Pre-Game

"If you tease my school, I'll kill ya..."

• Great Nissan Heisman House commercial with Tim Brown. For all those out there declaring 'but it makes fun of him and ND...' I say this:  "lighten up, Francis."
• Heather Cox has staggeringly full, lustrous hair. Pantene marketers on line 1, Heather.  I'm in a committed fantasy relationship with Alex Flanagan but should the NBC contract change... 

1st Quarter

• Let's just forget the first :07, shall we?
• John Goodman and an homage to fellow hoosier The Shark! (I shall never make another Big Lebowski reference about you again.)
• Why that catch was especially important:  interference in college is only a 15 yd. penalty, not spot-of-foul.  Who knows if we would've scored at all on that drive?
• Man, Michigan State are a mouthy bunch.
• Love the play calling.  Already notice that even when Golson breaks containment, he ALWAYS looks to pass, even when there's a wide open field.  That's probably a teachable point.

 

"Brent, you have disturbed me almost to the
point of insanity. There. I am insane now."

2nd Quarter

 Already, I find Brent Musberger banal and tiresome.
   

 Two basic rules for ND's offense:  1) Don't turn it over and 2) Stay out of 3rd and long.  The two are not necessarily unrelated.
  

 Kirk H. makes a St. Iggy reference!
   

Misdirection. What a concept!

•   Golson does things no one else on the roster is capable of, like not turning the ball over in the red zone.

Halftime

"He's hitting that scotch pretty hard.,
does he even know what he's watching?"

• Up 14-3 but not feeling entirely confident. The Highlands beckon! Switching to single malt.
• Watching the game on the front porch with my friends, the woodland creatures.  Lisa does not seem to miss me, not one bit.

"May I suggest a... safer... reference?"

3rd Quarter - 

• Elijah Shumate is pretty good.  I shall nickname him "The Prophet"!  No wait.  Maybe not. Better not exacerbate Arab Unrest (and have 'em go all Salman Rushdie on me).
• Early Buddy candidate:  Ben Turk?!
• William Golson is one tall drink of water and from his face paint, seems to be channeling his inner William Wallace.

4th Quarter - 

• ND keeps throwing. And why not?  It doesn't look like the defense is letting up anytime soon. 
• Welcome back, Cierre! 
• Tommy in for no apparnet reason - what is up with that?!  Other than me losing my 'Tommy won't see the field in September' side bet.  Again.
• 6 minutes left and the announcers are talking like this game is over.  Slow down there, boys.
• I think Brent's been hitting the hospitality bar.
• ND in the final kneel down, 'victory' formation and State's #42 tries to pop EG.  Nice.  MSU football, where character goes to die.

Summary Thoughts

• Somebody was practicing their tackling this week.  Long may that continue.
• Be gentle, part I:  Golson throws way too often into tight coverage and across the field.  He's got a really strong arm but my guess he won't stop doing it unless it costs him. 
• Be gentle, part II:  Our secondary is so young it could be a kindergarten.  They've played pretty well and get will surely get better. But you know they're going to get lit up at some point.
• Has anyone noticed - maybe only me, the poncy ex-kicker - how deadly accurate Brndza's been?  That last FG may have been meaningless but it was 47 yds. and he bisected the goal posts.        

If This Week's Game Were A Movie Poster, It'd Be... The Sting

"All It Takes Is A Little Confidence"

Okay, the filmmakers might've had a different kind of confidence in mind but the point is this:  Michigan State's persona is a thuggish one.  They hit you up to 2nd whistle, they yap about it, get in your face (literally) and bascially try to take you out of your game. And when we last saw ND's offense, they were being thoroughly intimidated by a Purdue team of indeterminate competence.  Eek!  And yet, even with The Most Embarrassing of opening :07 and a sparkling 1-for-13 3rd down success rate, ND never looked all that rattled. Golson certainly didn't.  Kelly's play calling exuded confidence in his QB.  And the defense actually had... swagger.  Cool!

Buddy's buddy
Maybe Allen Pinkett was right... if Prince "I'm Good for One Personal Foul Every Game" Shembo's performance was any indication.  Cierre Wood showed why he should be the first option at RB.  And Everett, while statistically unimpressive, never looked out of control or intimidated by the MSU punks.  But this week's Buddy can only go to one guy, Manti.  They needed him to play big and he didn't disappoint.  Plus his incredible grace under the most difficult of circumstances was a lesson for young and old.  When one looks up 'role model' in the dictionary, they should embed his picture.

Tool Time

"We're not monsters. We're just ahead of the curve."

Don Calhoun. UConn's crusty basketball coach retiring as The Big East collapses around him.  Lifetime Achievement Award!

Bob Ryan.   I have many fond memories of my two years in Boston, the vast majority involve Mary Flaherty's cooking, The Boston Celtics ("Danny Ainge, Latter Day Saint!")  and a magical front porch where Better Living Through Creative Chemistry wasn't just empty rhetoric.  But Bob Ryan wasn't ever one of 'em... a bitter, self-important BC grad once again rises to the occasion with ND's announced move to the ACC:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k99xFohvQKk&feature=player_embedded

Hey Bob, What do Notre Dame and Boston College students have in common?  They both got into BC.

ND Fans.   My rant against you this week entails two points:  1) the apparent inability to enjoy the most substantive win in the Kelly era by nitpicking everything they didn't do well and 2) doing your best Oliver Stone impressions that the world, especially the Commie loving, tree huggin' leftish media is all against us. Did anyone listen to Herbstreit gush for 3/4 of the game about how athletic and dominating we were? News flash:  recognizing that on the bell curve distribution of sports writers out there, you're gonna have some haters no matter what... when we're good enough to have nice things said about us, it'll get reported.

Lane Kiffin.  You just can't help yourself, can you?  First, you lose a game, totally out coached, by a team that has owned you for the last 4-5 yrs. (Tough to say you were looking past them to Cal.)  Then you try to indirectly attribute it to your missing center.  And when that doesn't work, you throw your All-American QB under the bunch.  I want to party with you. You are just too much fun.

Schadenfreude Winner.
Week 3 in college football... game start to get a little bit more interesting. Some more than others:

1. USC.  Bummer for you, huh Matt B? Good news bad news I suppose for ND Nation:  anytime SC loses, it's just so... delicious.  But that 10/13 Stanford game just became a whole lot more concerning.
2. BC.   First two time winner this year! Inasmuch as you lost to Northwestern, this is really just an excuse to give Pat Fitzgerald a sincere shout out... if you ever want to pull an 'Ara' in another couple years, give Jay or Jerry a call, they can probably make it happen.
3. Tennessee.  I really don't dislike you, yet.  But your coach does seem to have latent qualities of being a 1st class tool and I just can't stomach the idea of you resurrecting your program before we do.  So I must recognize, and celebrate, your Not Ready For Prime-time performance.

     2012 Schedule.

September	October	December
1    @Navy (Dublin)            W 8    PURDUE                       W 15  @MSU                          W 22  MICHIGAN 29	6    MIAMI (Soldier Field)* 13  STANFORD 20  BYU 27 @Oklahoma	3      PITT 10    @BC 17   WAKE FOREST 24    @USC

*Linipalooza III

Wager 2012.
Don't go counting your money too quickly, Team '10 Win'.  Maybe the best thing one can conclude is that (happily) the 5 and 6 win folks are probably looking a little shaky.  This team is surely not great but it's hard to see us going 2-7 or 3-6 the rest of the way.

But who knows? One game at a time.

Wins		ND-Scorsese connection	Contestant’s prediction	Pay-out
12		Hugo Sweet, compelling mystery that shows the virtues of faith and resilience. Everyone walks away happy and pleasantly surprised.
11
10			JP, Lini, Dave	$267
9		Goodfellas Awesome film about fulfilling one’s potential and realizing your dreams… even if it is becoming a gangster.  (Q.  Does ending in Witness Protection qualify as a happy ending?)	Bryan, Ted, Ray, Tim S, Bob S	$160
8			Jay, John, Peter, Raz, Kevin M, Tim C, Mark	$115
7			Jerry C, Matt, Jerry W, Jim B, Tom, Mike C, Jim T, Mike G Garrett R	$90
6		The Departed A terrific story about two Boston Irishmen’s different destinies set from childhood. So very close to a happy ending. And yet, so far.	Terry, Jim S, Jerry P, Brian, Blair R	$160
5			Kevin C, Alvin, Randy	$267
4
3		Taxi Driver Mentally unstable Viet Nam vet w. wildly unrealistic delusions of heroism.  He’s a total loser, albeit an incredibly   dangerous one. Sadly everybody knows it (incl. Rick Reilly) but him.
2
1
0

Final Thought #1

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em...







Final Thought #2
The campus will be crawling with U of M zealots (more than a few who are way cool students with a close association to my way, way cool daughter).  That said, and as a public service, I thought you might want to know what you're otherwise... broadly... in store for.

*big thanks to JB for showing this to me...

Week 2 (2012): Curb Your Enthusiasm. And Expectations.

"There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It's an area which we call the 'A' Lot... " 

Conventional wisdom says that team's make their greatest jump in improvement between Games #1 and #2. So what are we to conclude, then, about the Irish (and their leadership) after Saturday?

*  "They rock!" (Periodically.)
*  "Even a stopped clock is right twice a day."
*  "This a marathon, not a sprint..."

I do know, factually speaking:

1. Senior captain Kapron-Lewis Moore didn't play a down after the 1st series.
2. Senior leader of the secondary Jamoris Slaughter didn't play the entire 2nd Half.
3. Senior captain Tyler Eifert didn't play after 11:20 left in the 4th Quarter.
4. Kyle Brindza was Kickoff Guy, not Mr. Field Goal, until shortly before the game (also due to injury.)
5. Everett Golson was playing his 2nd game involving live action since 2010.

But so what?  From the post-game chatter it would seem the masses wanted... expected... something more. A lot more.  Like "return to Holtzian Era glory right-freaking-now" more.

And always, it seems Brian... and Tommy... are at the center of the discussion.

What’s The Frequency, Brian?  

Personally, I thought I saw a lot of good Saturday.  But it's fair to wonder, this being Year 3 of the Kelly Reign of Terror... with play call communication difficulties still on-going, an offense that behaved nothing like what was seen in Dublin, questionable 4th quarter play calling and potential indecision regarding who, exactly, is the The Man at quarterback...

What's The Plan here, coach?!  A few possible clues:

               Strategist                                                  Cunning Plan

Sun Tzu	Mr. “The Art of War” himself advocated ‘pretend inferiority and encourage your opponents’ arrogance…’ Notre Dame's plan, apparently, for the past 20 years.  Flawlessly executed, I'll give them that.
King Lear	“We will do such things… what they are yet, we know not. But they shall be the Terrors of the Earth…” Loosely translated:  "I’ve got a plan... kinda ‘loosey goosey’and  It. Is. BAD ASS!   Sadly,  I’ll be buggered if I'm gonna tell you.  You're just going to have to... trust me.  :)
Our Man In Havana	Graham Green’s protagonist is recruited by British Intelligence to be their Cuban ‘eyes on the ground’. Flying by the seat of his pants, he totally fabricates all his spying, almost getting himself killed in the process.  But everything turns out a-ok in the end, including scoring the girl. Implication:  Making it up as you go along Just. Might. Work!
The Joker	In The Dark Knight, our villain asks the question (not rhetorically), “Do I really look like a guy with a plan?” No, he does not.  Chaos is his plan. It worked for him. (Well, largely.)  As for ND...

I'm a Shakespeare fan but Christopher Nolan's vision continues to have unfortunate relevance.

Song of the Week
Justified or not, with the disappointment palpable after the Purdue game, with frustration seemingly mounting, it begs the question, "What would you give... what would you do... to see ND 'return to glory'?"  .

"I would swallow my pride, I would choke on the rinds, 

But the lack thereof would leave me empty inside, 

Swallow my doubt.  

Turn it inside out .

Find nothing but faith in nothing. 

Want to put my tender heart in a blender, 

Watch it spin 'round to a beautiful oblivion. 

Rendezvous, then I'm through with you 

Can Oblivion be beautiful?  (Thanks, Ryan, for the song!)

Word of the Week

TRUCULENT 

• tru·cu·lent adj \ˈtrə-kyə-lənt also ˈtrü-\

1.   feeling or displaying ferocity : cruel, savage

2.   deadly, destructive

3.   scathingly harsh : vitriolic <truculent criticism>

4.   aggressively self-assertive : belligerent

— tru·cu·lent·ly adverb

Origin

Latin truculentus, from truc-, trux savage; perhaps akin to Middle Irish trú doomed person

• First Known Use: circa 1540

• Synonyms: aggressive, agonistic, argumentative, bellicose, chippy, combative, confrontational, contentious, discordant, feisty, militant, pugnacious, quarrelsome, belligerent
• Antonyms: nonaggressive, nonbelligerent, pacific, peaceable, peaceful, unbelligerent, uncombative, uncontentious

Used in a sentence... The increasingly truculent reaction of the Notre Dame fans to the offense's slow pace of play-calling surprised even hardened cynics like Terry and Tim.

Observations Of The Game

Pre-Game

• My annual pilgrimage to the bookstore reveals that the school has yet to stock any of 2012 Kovacs Book award winner Dr. Timothy Corrigan's writings as part of this year's film program syllabus. Disappointed.  Particularly egregious was not seeing The Film Experience: An Introduction on shelf.  (Available at Amazon.com, I can tell you from personal experience it makes a wonderful Christmas present, with lots of pictures for the business and engineering majors on your list.) 
• Inaugural tailgater report:  excellent, if still something of a work-in-progress.  The Management breaks in the next generation of early morning logistic planners. The Bloody Mary bar has yet to be established (crushing the spirit of at least two in attendance) and there was only a threadbare cast of luminaries. That said, all the food groups were represented including every salted snack in the entire Frito-Lay portfolio.
• An Alex Flanagan siting - pretty in pink!  I wonder if she missed me.

1st Quarter - Where'd Last Week's ND Team Go?

• In the stands w. Messrs. Sullivan and Castellini - woo hoo!
• A Purdue zealot immediately makes his presence known. He is L³... loud, large and limited in vocabulary.  I shall call him 'Leon' because it starts with the letter 'L' and it's short enough for him to conceivably spell.
• Pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass.  Good to see us playing to our strength.
• After a false start (foreshadowing) #93 goes past Cave and Golic like their turn-styles.  Eek.
• Beware the wheel route against ND.  I never fails to succeed. Our LB's are terrible in coverage.
• 2nd and 6 in the Red Zone. And our center apparently doesn't know the snap count. Not good. 

2nd Quarter - A Glimpse Of The Future?

• Another Braxton Cave penalty. Ah, senior leadership.
• Sack by Louis Nix. Irish Chocolate!  As opposed to Tuitt who actually looks slim carrying 300 lbs., Louis definitely looks venti-size.
• ND is running a ton of guys in, at both DL and DB.
• Bad decision by Neal, fielding a put on the 4 yd. line.  On the bright side, the 9 yd. gain doubled all of last year's cumulative return yards.
• Golson eludes rush, throws on the run, for a 30 yd. gain to Niklas. And that's why he's the starter.
• 3rd and 3, rifle throw to Daniels for 41 yds.  I could get used to this. 
• Purdue tackles really well.  We do not.
• Purdue finds a running game. Antavian Edison scores easily for Purdue to tie the game. Mt. Leon erupts! Somewhere Antavian's brothers, Antebellum and Antediluvian, are beaming with pride. 

Halftime

• Judy C. arrives at our seats and there is much rejoicing!
• Leon rests.  And there is much rejoicing!

3rd Quarter - All The Young Dudes

• Golson's got a really strong arm but he clearly has yet to learn to look off the safety. The operative word being 'yet'.
• Incredibly poor tackling. Understandable from the young secondary. What's your excuse, Carlo? Dan?
• These two teams might be the two worst clock managers in the country. 
• Tuitt's facemask looks like the deer-protective grill on SUV's. Which would give me pause if I were an opposing QB or RB.



"You really think I need a trim?"

• Where's GAIII?

4th Quarter - "How Ya Like Me Now?"

• Eifert on the sidelines with no explanation.  I know exactly what's going on - he cut his hair!
• We've burned every one of our time outs due to play call communication problems.  Hmmm.
• 2:12 left and it's Tommy Time.  More importantly, I've just lost my side bet to Sullivan / Brunett (that Rees would not see the field in Sept.) in world record time.  Perhaps gambling isn't my calling.
• A short prayer:  Please God, just don't send this game into OT.
• 3rd and 7... karmic payback!  John Goodman hauls in a prayer of a throw after Tommy almost pulls a Chris Weber, calling a TO we don't have, as the play clock goes to zero. (In fact, it did expire.)
• Troy Niklas is going to be really good once he learns how to actually play the TE position.
• Kyle B. bi-sects the goal posts. 20-17.
• 100 yds. outside the stadium and it's Davenport, IA on the phone, extolling the "ye of little Tommy faith" line. Can't you just let me enjoy the win for a minute, mom?

Summary Thoughts

• "There is no QB controversy.  Golson is the starter."  I want to believe you, Brian. Especially since I think Everett played awfully well, two bad plays at the end notwithstanding.  But I also didn't really see any hand injury so your embrace of the truth remains shaky, at best.  Ironically, with the benefit of hindsight, I was impressed with the decision to use Rees. Golson showed no ability to manage a 2 minute drive. It took cajones - you would've been eviscerated if it hadn't worked out.  So, time will tell.
• How good is Purdue?  Pretty sure we'll find out their interior D-line is really good and overall, a better team than any of us anticipated.  That said, our vaunted, experienced O-line got embarrassed and by the end, utterly intimidated.  That does not bode well for an MSU game in Lansing.
• One can only hope that tackling practice has been elevated on this week's practice agenda.
• Ditto play calling communication.  Using all of your timeout's - as necessary as it was in virtually every case - wouldn't appear to be a sustainable long-term strategy.

• Tommy. Bravo! But. Past experience would suggest that being good for 2 minutes absolutely doesn't extrapolate to being good for 60 minutes.
• Without having specific numbers to quote, there were a TON of youth in play on Saturday.  Especially on defense. Especially in the 2nd Half.  And with the exception of some shoddy tackling for stretches of time, they didn't acquit themselves too badly.
• My sole disappointment of Everett (beyond the 'learn from your mistakes, young man'):  I thought he'd be more elusive than he actually seemed.  Probably a little early too roll out the "Poor Man's Denard" label...

Continuum Of Elusiveness

        I------------------I---------------------I------------------I-------------------------------------I

     Tommy           So. Bend         Co-Eds in       Everett                                        Denard

                            Police Dept.    High Heels

           

If This Week's Game Were A Movie Poster, It'd Be...

"They Have A Plan... But Not A Clue"

The Coen Brothers' 2000 skewed interpretation of Homer's Odyssey, set in the 1930's deep south offers two possible relevant analogies to ND's performance (and season) Saturday:

- It's a journey and not necessarily a linear one.
- You can end up where you want. Even if the guys in charge appear to be complete idiots
- When the music improves - and Saturday's use of The Dropkick Murphy's and only one Ozzie usage suggests a quantum leap in that area - everything becomes more enjoyable.

Buddy's buddy

As is typically the case, there's a few guys who really flashed and could be comfortably bestowed this week's Buddy:  Everett (only his 2nd game of competitive action in two years, threw for almost 300 yds. and did things no other QB on that roster could possibly do), Tyler (several big, timely catches), Tommy (of course)... but I'm looking at a pretty impressive (and deep) D-line with one guy in particular standing out, Louis Nix.   Consistently applying pressure, batting balls down and being generally disruptive.  They say strength up the middle of your defense is critical, let's hope 'Irish Chocolate' can keep it up.

Tool Time

"We're not monsters. We're just ahead of the curve."

Michigan State.  Ah, the joys of social media.  Team Sparty couldn't contain their glee over Bama's rout of the maize 'n blue.  Understandable. So they had to tweet about it during the game, mocking Denard... as if a) The Tide wouldn't have hung 60 on their asses and b) they had a QB that could carry his shoelaces.

 If he had any.  Which he doesn't.  But that's besides the point.  I didn't really care about their in-state rivalry before but now I hope UM just tears MSU a new one when they play.

Art Modell.  Yeah, I know.  RIP. You were a Titan of the NFL... with George Halas, Art Rooney, the Maras et al. Blah blah blah.  But you totally bailed on Cleveland, a blue collar town not wholly unlike my Packers. I know what it would've done to Green Bay if such a thing had had happened there... unforgiveable.

ND Fans.  Booing Tommy during the final 2 minute drive.  Really?

Answers to last next week's 'Career Path' challenge:
        School                           Job                                    Why?

USC	Disneyland character	Trojans are all about the show! Plus the perks are great...
Miami	Night Club Bouncer	Two words:  South Beach.
Northwestern	Thespian	Ann-Margret, Warren Beatty, Charlton Heston, Ed Wood (!) and of course, the incomparable David Schwimmer. Say no more.
Oregon	Nike Employee	They're already Team Nike. Consider this the firm offer of employment after the internship.
LSU	McDonald’s	Dog the Bounty Hunter was too aspirational for this team.
FSU	Footlocker sales	Free Shoe University.
Michigan	Sports announcer	Bill Fleming, Rich Eisen, Adam Schefter.
Stanford	Hedge Fund Mgr.	The most arrogant, self-absorbed group of condescending punks I've ever interviewed. And all of 'em surely now have net worths I can only fantasize about.
So. Carolina	Gas station attendant	Lane Kiffin once told a recruit that if he went to So. Carolina, he'd be pumping gas for the rest of his life, just like all the other kids who go there. Classy.  But not necessarily incorrect.
Florida	Gun runner	30 arrests during the Urban Meyer Era in the 'shoot 1st, ask questions later' State. Can you say 'growth industry'? Sure. I knew ya could.
Ohio St.	Tattoo parlor mgr.	A wise man once said, "If you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life..."

Schadenfreude Winner.
Week 2 in college football is typically the time when most colleges undergo serious buyers remorse for scheduling even a halfway difficult game in Week 1... so they take it out on the patsies they've scheduled the following week.  Thus, not a lot from the past weekend to Get Happy over.

1. Wisconsin.  Respect Barry Alvarez. Impressed by the athletic programs'consistency across several major sports. Think Bret Bielema is a classless weasel.  Ergo, love it when you lose.
2. Nebraska.   They live in Nebraska for godssakes, haven't they suffered enough already?   No.
3. Arkansas.  Any time the SEC loses, it's a good day. But take heart, Hogs, the Fighting Louisiana-Monrovians are a classic trap team.
4. Oklahoma State.  You had no moral conflicts ringing up 84 points on Savannah State last week.  How'd it feel getting lit up for 59 by one of the country's elite party schools?
5. Andy Roddick.  For probably the only time ever, the 'winner' (loser) here is happier than I am. Why?  Because he gets to come home to Brooklyn on a full-time basis. It's a wonder he made it to age 30 before retiring.

Wager 2012.
We're 2-0, albeit not in the most impressive manner.  One would assume that probably everyone involved in the wager had these first two games in their win column as part of their prediction. So consider it like holding serve.  With 10 games to go, the pre-season's over....

Wins		ND-Scorsese connection	Contestant’s prediction	Pay-out
12		Hugo Sweet, compelling mystery that shows the virtues of faith and resilience. Everyone walks away happy and pleasantly surprised.
11
10			JP, Lini, Dave	$267
9		Goodfellas Awesome film about fulfilling one’s potential and realizing your dreams… even if it is becoming a gangster.  (Q.  Does ending in Witness Protection qualify as a happy ending?)	Bryan, Ted, Ray, Tim S, Bob S	$160
8			Jay, John, Peter, Raz, Kevin M, Tim C, Mark	$115
7			Jerry C, Matt, Jerry W, Jim B, Tom, Mike C, Jim T, Mike G Garrett R	$90
6		The Departed A terrific story about two Boston Irishmen’s different destinies set from childhood. So very close to a happy ending. And yet, so far.	Terry, Jim S, Jerry P, Brian, Blair R	$160
5			Kevin C, Alvin, Randy	$267
4
3		Taxi Driver Mentally unstable Viet Nam vet w. wildly unrealistic delusions of heroism.  He’s a total loser, albeit an incredibly   dangerous one. Sadly everybody knows it (incl. Rick Reilly) but him.
2
1
0

Final Thought
Why The Packers Are Totally Awesome (Part I)

 I'm pretty sure their GM was formerly the front man for Talking Heads...

"With their 1st pick in the draft,

Green Bay select Brian Eno."

Laugh From The Past
For the 801'ers who were (and remain) easily amused... I've got one thing to say about the following video clip:  egg-a-muffin.  Enjoy.

Thank you, Dr. Tim for showing me this awhile back...