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Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Week 7.5: Mid-Season Affirmations

Thought #1

"We're good enough, our schedule's tough enough and gosh darn it, people like us."
Stuart Smalley  Brian Kelly

That final point, ironically, because we got shafted last week.

So one of the things I neglected to mention about my recent visit to China was the odd dream I had my first night in the country:

I found myself on the par 4, 414 yard 1st tee of Shanghai Links, the Jack Nicklaus course in Pudong, a nearby suburb of the city.  

Our foursome was Lini, Spittler and a giant panda named Alan. 

How extraordinary, I thought!   Bob and Jerry in China. What do you suppose brings them here...  

But as our fourth prepared to hit, I noticed my classmates exchange looks and sniggers. 

“What?” I asked. 
"Tell Bob and Jerry, they can settle via Apple Pay…"
They point at Al. 
“You mean the plus fours he’s wearing?  Perhaps he’s a big Payne Stewart fan.”
“No,” they whispered, “he’s hitting a one iron!  I mean, seriously?  In this day and age?”

At which point Alan striped his drive 285 yds. with a bit of a power fade, cutting through the East China Sea wind and landing dead center in the fairway.  He picked up his tee, smiled at the boys and said, “Who’s laughing now, sweet cheeks?”

Then I woke up. 

Thought #2

Who, indeed, is laughing now?  With ND sitting 6-1 and in near total control of their football destiny?  After a pre-season with so minimal expectations that even this august group of pollyanna's (realists Albert and Feifar excluded), by and large, predicted a 3-4 loss season.  

Probably not the SEC, PAC-12 or Big 12 who thought their conference winners were gonna be fast tracked to the Final Four.

"You said, '2015 will be ND's year…"
"Not so fast!," as embarrassing ESPN buffoon / Mel Brooks impersonator / proud FSU alum Lee Corso might say.

Indeed, ND has made a fine mess of it for those who thought they had this year all figured out.

And in doing so, will surely hasten the cry for an 8-team playoff format… 

Fantastic. 

Song of the Week

I'm in a contemplative mood this week - color me surprised, happy and grateful regarding the state of both the team's performance and the program itself.   Who would've thought even an academic scandal would make me proud of the school?  

Thank you, Danny Elfman - and Raymond V. for inviting me, lo those many years ago, to see these guys…



"Life's been so good to me
. Has it been good to you?
  
Has it been everything
 that you expected it to be
? 
Was it as good for you as it was good for me?
  
And was it everything
 that it was all set up to be? 
Now is that gratitude? 
Now is that gratitude…"

Word of the Week
"Hey, isn't that a pick play…"
Phrontifugic (adj.)

Anxiety-relieving; helpful in escaping one's thoughts or cares. 

Used in a sentence:  Viewing the football games without the pressure of ND playing, young Terry finally realized how phrontifugic is was to watch other teams lose, especially in the torturous end-of-game fashion that USC has made a habit. 

Mid-Season Musings

The thought occurred to me I could just make up an imaginary game and start commenting.  Half the people who read this wouldn't even realize we didn't really pick up a Chechnya State (The Fighting Rebels) but I'm not gonna do that.  Instead, call this a stream-of-conscious State of College Football ramblings:

1.  There doesn't seem to be a 2012 Alabama, no uber-dominant team. We can play with anyone.
2.  We can also lose to a lot of these teams.  A few of which are on our schedule. 
3.  I don't think USC is one of those teams.  They look like a team that one more tough loss (and season ending injury) could totally break their spirit.   
4.  Teams I don't really want to play:  Georgia, Baylor / TCU (I get them confused - they score a ton of points and their coaches have no conscience about running up the score) and yes, Bama. 
5.  Michigan is really bad.  Really, REALLY bad.  They don't look capable of upsetting anyone.  Which is unfortunate for us as it relates to Ohio State.
6.   I should apologize to Joe Schmidt for subscribing to the "he's a walk on, how good can he possibly be?" line of thinking.  Plus he's so dreamy looking.  Sorry, Cam, you are so 2013. 
7.  I don't even know what Trumbetti's first name is but it doesn't matter:  he's an Italian kid from Jersey, he's probably never been called it in his life.  Except maybe by his mother when he was in trouble.  Which no doubt, because he's an Italian kid from Jersey, was every day.
8.  Thanks to Special Guest Blogger, B. Gruley, Esq., for calling out the deplorable state of refereeing and the need to do something about it.  Reinforcing Bryan's true visionary nature, several high profile editorial sheep followed suit, including this commentary here - the implications of which are extremely disturbing, if not entirely revelatory. 
9.  I hope none of you are spending any time doing the 'what if we have Kevaire / Ishaq / Devaris' exercise… chemistry is a delicate thing - this team has it.  Who is to say those guys would've been great leaders?
10.  I wonder what Vegas thinks about the way the refs are impacting these games?  Unless, of course, they're in on the action. 
11.  I love the fact that the playoffs are making everyone raise the bar, scheduling-wise.  Still have to do something about September cupcake platter. 
12.  Hey - a November that matters!  How cool is that?!
13.  If we have even the slightest of knee injuries against Navy, I'm beginning that "drop them from the schedule like a stone' movement.  So tired of their cut blocks.  

Quote of the Week

"My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists."
Jean Rostand, Biologist

A sentiment for those of you still not buying the "ND is back and this time we mean it" story... 


2014 Schedule


August
28      Rice - W

September
6       Michigan  -   W
13     Purdue (Indianapolis)   W
27     @Syracuse (MetLife)   W

October 
4      Stanford                        W
11    North Carolina              W
18    @FSU                      W  L

November
  1   @Navy
  8   @Arizona State 
15    Northwestern
22    Louisville
29   @USC

The Wager: 
Money continues to trickle in - which is awesome - and if I haven't marked you down, let me know. 



Wins


Song


Representative Lyric


ND Application 

Contestant 

prediction
12

“Here's your ticket,

Pack your bag.

Time for jumpin' overboard...”

Man Oh Man Oh Man... if we win this much, something's getting lit up!

Starting with me. 


Bryan
11
Daryl, Dave M
10
Heaven


“Heaven... 
 is a place... 

where nothing...

nothing ever happens...”

Boy, attaining this level of consistent, calm excellence... 

I could get used to.
Kevin C, Terry, Lini, Jerry W, Peter, Rob W
9
JP,, Ted, Mike C, Jerry C, Tim C, Bob R, Tim S, Jim S, Jay, Jim B
8
Once In A Lifetime


"And you may ask yourself, how did I get here?

Same as it ever was..."

8-5... again?! 

How did we get to this point of near constant mediocrity?


Brian W, Jim T, Jerry P, Tom, Kevin M, Garrett, Mark, Mike G
7
John, Ray, Blair, Alvin, Dave, Ryan, Randy, Dennis
6
The Big Country


“I wouldn't live there if you paid me. 

I couldn't live that, no siree..."

Both 'A' Lot and ND football - gone the way of the dinosaur.

I need to make some profound changes in my life.
Matt
5

4
No Compassion


“They say compassion is a virtue... 



But I don't have the time.”

Empathy for our pathetic football program is over-rated.  

I am so done.  


Hello, lacrosse.

3

2
Psycho Killer  


“Run run run run 
run run run away…



Oh oh ohhhhhh... 
ay yai yai 
yai yai...”

Dad is just staring at the TV.

He's not even paying attention to the game.

And he's drooling.

1


Schadenfreude Time

1.     Mississippi.  The Italians have an expression, “piano, piano” which means “slowly, slowly” and represents my attitude toward ND and their playoff hopes:  we don’t everyone to lose immediately, we just need about one per week to stumble.  And as conflicted as I am any time a Les Miles team wins, this is a solid start.

2.     USC.  I can’t help myself.  I know their winning helps our strength of schedule but it’s just too delicious when they lose to a nationally ranked ski program.

Terry's Trolls.

1.  UNC.  Oh boy.  Between them and FSU, they sure are making our academic justification for alignment with the ACC looking a bit… thin. At any rate, 18 years of systematic academic abuse.  How do they not get the Death Penalty?

2.  Karlos Williams.  As you all now know, FSU's starting tailback is being investigated for domestic battery.  Shocker!  But don't dismay, he'll be okay:  1) If any significant discipline is going to be handed down, it'll happen after the Seminole's Thursday night's Louisville game and 2) Jimbo Fisher says "Karlos told me he didn't do it.  I believe him.  He's a great kid…" 
"You promised me some serious bling…"

Plus Jimbo's wife and odd children are expecting a big Christmas and, you know, those FSU performance bonuses just don't award themselves… 

3.  Lamarr Houston.  One of the Bears' prize free agents tears his ACL after celebrating a sack yesterday.  That alone would be worth loving for Packer Boy.  The fact that it happened to the unfortunate nitwit when Chicago was losing to the Pats by almost 40 demonstrated that  a) the Bears aren't paying him for his intelligence and b) karma is indeed a bitch.

An English Major Walks Into A Bar…
A Midsummer Night’s Beam

(A Midsummer Night’s Dream, ca. 1600)
by William Shakespeare

Take two parts Ren Faire and one part Greek mythology, add a liberal dash of forest-dwelling nymphs – and you’ve got Shakespeare’s whimsical meditation on love and lunacy. 

An amateur might toast this oft-produced play with two melatonin and some cough syrup but only a foolish mortal would try that – this is a dream, not a blackout.   You’ll want to stay upright, if drowsily so, for a light, vegetation-heavy drink that will keep you skimming all five acts before a proper fairy-blessed slumber.  You just might wake up in love.

·      8 sprigs fresh mint, washed
·      ½ oz. lime juice
·      2 teaspoons granulated sugar
·      2 oz. bourbon
·      1 (12 oz.) can club soda

Muddle the mint, lime juice and sugar in a highball glass.  Add ice and bourbon – and fill to the top with the club soda.  Sip to your imagination’s content, stopping only if your inner wood nymph begins to manifest itself too flamboyantly.

Recruiting


"And he shall be a good man…"
Te’von.  Te’von likes his money.  He makes a lot, they say.  Spends his days counting… in a garage by the motorway. 

He was born a pauper to pawn on a Christmas day when the New York Times said ‘God Is Dead’ and 'The War’s Begun'!  

Alvin Tostig has a son today.  

And he shall be Te’von. And he shall be a good man...    

I hope.  About the 'good man' bit, not the 'he likes his money'… although that's no doubt true as well.  And understandable.  Let's just hope he's making it by mowing lawns or life guarding.

But hey, when you're 6-1, ranked #7 and in the conversation for a Final Four spot, kids want to play for you… 21 spots tentatively filled (pending the inevitable surprise decommitment), with an elite QB now in the fold and maybe 4 or 5 more spots left to hold out for a stud RB / WR / S / CB / DL.  This could be fun. 

And the prospective names are as elite as their talent:  Soso, Equanimeous, Iman, Ykili, Minkah, Aliz'e.  Sounds like the cast of an awesome "Homeland" episode.

On This Day in 1689

Austrian General Piccolomini (Really?! And he's not Italian.  Sure.) burned down the Macedonian city of Skopje to prevent the spread of cholera. In the aftermath of the Ottoman Empire’s failed assault on Vienna in 1683, the Austrians retaliated by launching their own offenses into Ottoman territory in Europe.  These campaigns continued late in that decade.

There is no truth to the rumor that he really burned down the city due to over compensation issues after all his peers made fun of his name, which, loosely translated, means little wind instrument...

Final Thought

For those of you who still can't let it go.  And evidently, I'm one of you...




Monday, October 20, 2014

Week 5, 6, 7: Crouching Everett, Hidden Jameis

"So the Lama says, you can't make that call..."
For about, oh, :05 I had achieved what the Lama would call Total Consciousness.  Which is ironic since immediately after Corey Robinson made that catch, it resembled more like a blackout.   I do know the sound that came out of my mouth was Not Of This World.  (And if there are broken boards in the paddock due to frightened horses, Lisa, for that I am deeply sorry.)

Then, after doing my (equally unnatural) Happy Dance, I saw the little yellow violator at the bottom of the TV screen ticker, Flag.  

And thus began The Great Buzzkill of 2014.  We were soooo close to a nation of blonde-dyed, mohawk rockin' kids… 

But I'm getting ahead of myself. 

As you may have noticed, I've been literarily MIA.  Recently it had occurred to me that I started writing these weekly missives almost six years to the day (UNC game - we choked in that one - to audience of, if memory serves, just Jay / Sully / Lini). I was beginning to feel a bit crispy, creatively speaking.  As Dylan Thomas once said, "Someone is boring me.  I think it's me."   

So I went to seek alternative therapies - Eastern mysticism in China...

Over there for but a week I learned many things, including but not limited to, simple expressional nicities such as hello (ni hao), thank you (xie xie) and I don't want that (bu yao).  I quickly moved onto more complex expressions of social intercourse:

  • "That was a very interesting meal, dear innkeeper, but tell me where is the friendly dog that was sitting outside your front door?"
  • "Tell me, dear lady, regarding your kind offer to 'love me long time', but I'm not actually a sailor..."
  • "Listen here, trash talking, Yao Ming-lovin' little man, find us a basketball court and I will post you up all day long…"
  • "Excuse me, officer, but I didn't say 'Free Tibet' but rather 'me, to bed' - so can you uncuff me now?"
Suffice to say, new perspectives were achieved and creative juices restored.  I'm now back with a renewed commitment.  And by the looks of the game last weekend, so is our football team after a roller coaster couple weeks.

Song of the Week

Even before Saturday night's game, I knew that Alice Cooper was gonna be the call.  So many possible themes:

 - Welcome To My Nightmare: worst case scenario, a masochistic homage to the "Bama game, Part II.

-  School's Out ("We got no class and we got not principles, we can't even think up a word that rhymes…"):  But why glorify the Florida Educational system?

-  Under My Wheels:  It could've been the glorious story of the Belknap road trip amongst the savages.

-  Elected ("I'm your top prime cut of meat, I'm your choice…"):  Chronicling Everett's ascension to the top of Heisman consideration.  If only… 

After that game, though, where Golson & Co. all proved the spotlight wasn't too bright for them, one song had to be the choice: 

"Hello!  Hooray!  Let the show begin - I've been ready.
Ready as this audience that's coming here to dream.
Loving every second, every moment, every scream.

I've been waiting so long to sing my song.
And I've been waiting so long for this thing to come.

God, I feel so strong..."

Well maybe not loving every moment.  But damn near. 

Word of the Week
"Coleman, I had the most absurd nightmare…"

Malneirophrenia (n.)

  • A state of deep depression that occurs after having a nightmare

Used in a sentence:  Young Terry's reoccurring FSU nightmare was so real that he wandered around the next day in a state of malneirophrenia, feeling unsettled and emotionally distraught.  Until he saw David Fincher's "Gone Girl" and saw what a real nightmare looks like. 

Game Observations (made over a three game period)

1.  I love Golson.  FAR from perfect but what a gamer.  And it would appear that, maybe, he's figured out when to get down when he's running.  Now if he were only 2" taller… 

2.  I love Kelly.  I love his 'f*** you, I'm going for it on every 4th down" attitude.  I don't give a hoot that ND may not be his dream job.  Personally, I think he's the perfect guy for the most complicated coaching job in the US.  Sadly, I also don't think we'll keep him more than two more years.

3.  I loved the game.  Most fun watching ND in many, many years.  The revelatory moment for me wasn't the final drive but our first drive in the 3rd Quarter - after Jameis & Co. went like a hot knife through butter against our D.  Rut roh. But we came back, immediately.  Game on.

And Kelly was right: when playing those guys (what he didn't say was 'especially in The South'), you gotta knock 'em out.  Close games and they, ahem, find a way to win. 

4.  Do we even practice snaps under center?

5.  Other players I have a Man-Crush on:  Tarean.  Joe.  Corey.  Jarron.  Drue. Trumbetti.

6.  Okay - regarding the 'We Got Screwed' play… get it out of your system.  Weep 'n wail 'n gnash your teeth.  In fact, have another look, AGAIN, here  - possibly the best view and explanation I've seen for truly demonstrating how FSU misplayed their way into a win. (They are this year's Auburn, that team partying at the intersection of Talent + Luck + Hubris.)

7.  Does the loss change anything?  Not much, actually.   In fact, it doesn't change that we still likely have our destiny in our hands… win out and we make the playoffs.

8.  And one year ahead of realistic expectations, if anyone's being honest. 

6.  What is it about that 2nd game in October every year?  It's like you see the train coming but are we gonna get out of the way?  Nah. 

7.  If everyone didn't hear Herbstreit and Fowler totally give ND their due, then I give up.  Would you rather have Hammond?

8.  My le petit scotch cask is a week from being ready. 

9.  Why isn't the FSU War Chant considered completely racist?

Quote of The Week

"Best drummer in the world?  He's not even the best drummer in the Beatles."
John Lennon

At the risk of sounding like sour grapes, my exact feelings about FSU.  They're good but best team in the country?  They may not even be the best team in the ACC.  And they certainly weren't the best team Saturday night...


2014 Schedule

August
28      Rice - W

September
6       Michigan  -   W
13     Purdue (Indianapolis)   W
27     @Syracuse (MetLife)   W

October 
4      Stanford                        W
11    North Carolina              W
18    @FSU                           L

November
  1   @Navy
  8   @Arizona State 
15    Northwestern
22    Louisville
29   @USC

The Wager: 

Bryan, you were this close. 





Wins


Song


Representative Lyric


ND Application 

Contestant 

prediction
12

“Here's your ticket,

Pack your bag.

Time for jumpin' overboard...”

Man Oh Man Oh Man... if we win this much, something's getting lit up!

Starting with me. 


Bryan
11
Daryl, Dave M
10
Heaven


“Heaven... 
 is a place... 

where nothing...

nothing ever happens...”

Boy, attaining this level of consistent, calm excellence... 

I could get used to.
Kevin C, Terry, Lini, Jerry W, Peter, Rob W
9
JP,, Ted, Mike C, Jerry C, Tim C, Bob R, Tim S, Jim S, Jay, Jim B
8
Once In A Lifetime


"And you may ask yourself, how did I get here?

Same as it ever was..."

8-5... again?! 

How did we get to this point of near constant mediocrity?


Brian W, Jim T, Jerry P, Tom, Kevin M, Garrett, Mark, Mike G
7
John, Ray, Blair, Alvin, Dave, Ryan, Randy, Dennis
6
The Big Country


“I wouldn't live there if you paid me. 

I couldn't live that, no siree..."

Both 'A' Lot and ND football - gone the way of the dinosaur.

I need to make some profound changes in my life.
Matt
5

4
No Compassion


“They say compassion is a virtue... 



But I don't have the time.”

Empathy for our pathetic football program is over-rated.  

I am so done.  


Hello, lacrosse.

3

2
Psycho Killer  


“Run run run run 
run run run away…



Oh oh ohhhhhh... 
ay yai yai 
yai yai...”

Dad is just staring at the TV.

He's not even paying attention to the game.

And he's drooling.

1


Schadenfreude Time

Viva la Mississippi! 

Over a three game stretch, one must be careful not to over-indulge but oh, what the hell:

1.  Alabama.   Nothing personal, Nick, just business.  You had to go down. 

2.  Texas A&M.   Humility is my favorite virtue among athletes, probably because it's in such scare supply.  So when A&M's QB, Kenny Hill, announced he was trademarking 'Trill' (Thrill?) after he broke school passing records in his first game (against, I think, East Texas Teacher's College), I knew I had someone I could truly hate.

Don't judge me.

59-0, Ken.  "I don't often root for 'Bama but when I do, it's trilling…"

3.  Baylor.   See pt. 1.  And you'd be far more interesting if your nickname was the Fighting Branch Davidians.

4.  Stanford.  Still not a David Shaw fan and still subscribe to the "a mediocre Stanford is great for ND recruiting" theory.  Even if it hurts our SOS this year, happy to see them go down. 

5.  Auburn.  Last year's luckiest team finally gets spanked.   Hope it's not the last time. 

Terry's Trolls

 This is like Russia sweeping all the medals at the Olympics...

1.  Garnett Stokes.  Interim President, FSU - one can only assume you were elected on your cutesy name and not your moral leadership. 

2.  Stan Wilcox.  Notre Dame Man and present FSU AD… what happened to you?

3.  Jimbo.  When you say, 'I believe Jameis', I imagine that's code for "coach, they'll never be able to prove it…"  By the way, you're 49 yrs. old, even for being (and I quote) 'a complete redneck loser', isn't it about time to start answering to a grown up's name?

4.  Jameis.  Ignorance and entitlement is never a valid excuse in Life but I gotta hand it to ya- you sure have got it working - you have an entire school city as your bitch.  Impressive.   To think you could possibly bring down an entire program.  One can only hope.
"I know nothing…"

So the school needs a bit of a image re-boot.  I'm here to help.  Let's start with managing the media, which, admittedly, they've done a phenomenally poor job.  Take for example their recent, terse 'Sergeant Schultz' release re Jameis.  Bad move.  They need to be more proactive - get out in front of this, be more transparent, show the nation they're not sitting on their hands.  I've taken a stab at tweaking their prose:


 No need to thank me. 

An English Major Walks Into A Bar… 

This drink goes out to all of those in ND Nation - and I hope there are precious few in this group (but I doubt it) - that will wallow in this game's seeming unjust ending FOREVER.  Yours will certainly be a pathetic, semi-wretched existence while you refuse to delete that final play on your DVR, forcing your wife, kids, neighbors, co-workers to see how BOTH of the FSU players engaged Procise and Fuller first!  If only the pass hadn't come out quite so quickly!   The injustice!  Oh the humanity!

I got nothin' for ya, 'kept a cocktail:


Crime and Punish-mint
by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

When the lead character compares himself favorably to Napoleon, you turn off the laugh track on page 1.  New readers of Crime and Punishment - the tortured tale of a man who feels destined to murder a pawnbroker and then redistribute the wealth - might think they're tuning in for a literary Law & Order. 

"Oh, Jimboooo…"
Those readers would be wrong.  Crime?  Absolutely!  Punishment?  Um, not so much.  The only punishment here is the murderer's life sentence of guilt.  Pair Russia's homeland brew - vodka baby - with just enough caffeine to give you the shakes.   The mint should calm your nerves before you do anything too whacky.
  • 1 ½ oz.  Tito's Handmade Vodka
  • ½ oz.  Kahlua
  • ½ oz. Creme de Menthe
  • Light creme, to fill
Pour the vodka and liqueurs over ice in a rocks glass.  Fill to the top with the light creme. Or heavy.  Hey, you only live once. 

Today in 1950



Charles Schultz's little redhead girl dumps him after three years and marries a fireman, proving there are a) bigger disappointments than losing a football game and given that he leveraged that relationship to create an iconic - if unseen - cartoon character, b) disappointments can often have silver linings. 




Final Thoughts

Any resemblance to anyone's daughters, including my own, is unintentional.