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Friday, November 14, 2014

Week 9: Goodbye Yellow Brick (Playoff) Road

"As the free fall advances, I'm the moron who dances.
Under the withering white skies of humiliation.
Under the withering white skies of humiliation.

Tunnel vision lights my way, leave a little life today…"

Excellent band. Great song.  And seemingly thematically correct after last week's embarrassment. 

Nothing screams 4-star hotel like his 'n her gas masks...

Ni hao!  It's taken me a week to beat the Chinese Internet police - it's called VPN - sweet!  But here I am.  A shorter piece (relatively speaking) than most but wanted to capture some thoughts from The Middle Kingdom, before you settle in for the Northwestern game.

Fast Shanghai update!  Young Terry as U.S. ambassador:  I taught a young hotel employee the word, "syrup."  

As in "where the hell is the stuff that goes on my french toast?"  
Wow, was she impressed - she'd been calling it honey. And in a spirit of cross-cultural reciprocation, she taught me an equally valuable (and common expression):

O tai hao la dao xiao zhu he gong xi!  Wu you dian bu shu fu - wu yao Xie keng shi feng!

Loosely translated, is, "That, dude, is one impressive loogie you just hocked!  You must've left half your brains on the pavement.  If spitting were an Olympic sport, you'd surely be on the team - making your family, country and President Xie most proud."

"Tell me again, the Chinese expression for 'that ball ain't coming back…"    
Yes, this is a country of incorrigible gobbers.  City or country, doesn't really matter.

And yet still preternaturally obsessed with face-saving etiquette. 

Suffice to say there is much about this country that remains a total mystery, much like my questions surrounding our football team after its precipitous fall from football grace last weekend.  

I have no opinion.  I ask you, in no particular order:

  1. Is Golson too short?
  2. (When) Should Zaire get a shot?
  3. What happens if Corey Robinson doesn't bobble that ball?
  4. What's the deal with our O-line?
  5. What's the deal with our holder?
  6. What's a stress reaction? Other than what everyone collectively had in the 1st half.
  7. How much responsibility should Kelly bear?
  8. How does Kelly hold these guys together?
  9. What did Chicago fans do to deserve Golson and Cutler?
  10. Was ND really a better team than ASU (as some have written)?
  11. Was The Playoff Committee really correct after all?

Word of the Week
Kakorrhaphiophobic (adj.)

  • Struggling with a persistent, intense, and irrational fear of failure. 
Used in a sentence:  As Young Terry reflected on The Disaster in the Desert, he thought to himself that this was going to do nothing to relieve his kakorrhaphiophobic tendencies when it comes to ND football.

Buddy's buddy
Again, I have no idea.  Although I do know one person is it isn't.

One of the WR's maybe?  Will Fuller?

Bueller?  Bueller?

Nominations needed. 

Quote of the Week

"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped…"
Elbert Hubbard

Elbert's nephew, L. Ron (aka Mr. Scientology), was an author of pulp sci-fi stories.  His most famous begins, "The creation of Dianetics is a milestone of Man comparable to his discovery of fire and superior to his inventions of the wheel and the arch."

Oookay.  Whatever you say, L. Ron. 

2014 Schedule

28      Rice                                W


6       Michigan  -                      W
13     Purdue (Indianapolis)    W
27     @Syracuse (MetLife)     W


4      Stanford                           W
11    North Carolina                 W
18    @FSU                         W  L


  1   @Navy                             W
  8   @Arizona State                 L
15    Northwestern
22    Louisville
29   @USC

The Wager: 

Au vior, Dave 'n Daryl.   And Team 7, you're still alive!  

Team 10'ers, we're on deck.



Representative Lyric

ND Application 



“Here's your ticket,

Pack your bag.

Time for jumpin' overboard...”

Man Oh Man Oh Man... if we win this much, something's getting lit up!

Starting with me. 

DarylDave M

 is a place... 

where nothing...

nothing ever happens...”

Boy, attaining this level of consistent, calm excellence... 

I could get used to.
Kevin CTerryLini, Jerry W, Peter, Rob W
JP,Ted, Mike C, Jerry C, Tim C, Bob R, Tim S, Jim SJay, Jim B
Once In A Lifetime

"And you may ask yourself, how did I get here?

Same as it ever was..."

8-5... again?! 

How did we get to this point of near constant mediocrity?

Brian W, Jim TJerry P, Tom, Kevin M, Garrett, Mark, Mike G
John, Ray, Blair, Alvin, Dave, Ryan, Randy, Dennis
The Big Country

“I wouldn't live there if you paid me. 

I couldn't live that, no siree..."

Both 'A' Lot and ND football - gone the way of the dinosaur.

I need to make some profound changes in my life.

No Compassion

“They say compassion is a virtue... 

But I don't have the time.”

Empathy for our pathetic football program is over-rated.  

I am so done.  

Hello, lacrosse.


Psycho Killer  

“Run run run run 
run run run away…

Oh oh ohhhhhh... 
ay yai yai 
yai yai...”

Dad is just staring at the TV.

He's not even paying attention to the game.

And he's drooling.


Schadenfreude Time

This could've been a relatively productive weekend, playoff-wise, if only we had gotten with the program:

Michigan State.  Cheering for Urban Meyer represents the height of a personal moral conflict but I suppose it's not bad seeing Sparty taken down a peg.  For that one friend of mine, MSU alum, who can never quite conceal his contempt for ND, this one's for you.

Auburn. The luckiest team in the country for two years running has their good fortune run out.  Good.

LSU.  Let me be the first to start the Les-Miles-to-Ann Arbor talk.   And I'd be more than comfortable with that.  He's a terrible coach in a ridiculously talent-laden region. 

Terry's Trolls.

FSU.  Thanks for sharing this, Jerry (or whomever sent along the NYT article). 

Q. At what point does a university get so embarrassed about their student athletes that they take some action, any action?  A.  When they stop making Big Money.  

Which means 'don't hold your breath' about policy change in Tallahassee anytime soon. 

Back by popular demand (updated since last week):

An English Major Walks Into A Bar
      Any possible connection to my current geography is purely coincidental.

Heart of Dark Mist

Heart of Darkness (1899)
by Joseph Conrad

"Mr. Corrigan, your taxi to the airport is here…"
What is it with white guys and their imperialistic, waterborne adventures?  

Yet again, we encounter a Western classic that drops a 'civilized' man (Charles Marlow of England) into the middle of a foreign land - this time, the Congo wilds, which stand to be colonized.  

Things get sticky in the retelling:  Heart of Darkness is as open to celebration as it is to question, with readers and critics wondering if it's a novel about prejudice… or just a  prejudiced novel (hey, the natives don't even get dialogue).  

At any rate, such themes are beyond my intellectual bandwidth so we'll just stick to asking the questions, leaving the room while waiting to hear Lini's opinion.  Come back with a drink as dark and misty as the awkward silence when he begins talk of a regression analysis done involving Third World countries since WWII....
  • 1 ½ oz. blackberry liqueur
  • ½ oz. gin - something dry and British
  • ½ oz. lemon juice
As rapidly as possible - the commercial break is almost over and the game will be back on - shake all the ingredients with ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass and lament last week's profound disappointment - the horror, the horror!

Final Thought

"Un- Gee - attack!"
There is a trend in the Chinese police force nowadays to use geese instead of dogs, due to their increased powers of vision.  Evidently.  

When one talks geese, one can't help but think of that one unfortunate creature who happened upon a golf course when Ungie was playing.  Next stop for him was someone's Crispy duck recipe… 

Mark can now make the Public Enemies list on two continents. 

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