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Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Week 7: Taking Stock

Down. Fall by the wayside. No getting out.
Down. Cry me a river, dried up and dammed.
The names can be changed but the place is still the same.
I am loaded.  Told that's all for naught.  Hold me down... 

"Silly John, mayor of Milwaukee is only the 1st step in my grand plan... "
As I have confided with a few of you in the past, the hardest part of this blog is coming up with the initial theme - the resultant stream of conscious babble, including the near incoherent interactions with you, dear reader, basically writes itself.

So this week's missive presented a different challenge - not one involving content. If anything, too much of that - this being the annual Union Pier reminder for a select few John cough Lohn that future public office is no longer a viable opportunity.

Rather, the dilemma rested in choosing between two concepts - found separately outlined below.  So I chose both.  I am nothing if not a creature of excess. 
Have a read and see what one resonates.  

Word of the Week

Used in a sentence: Given the alacrity that ND started the game with - and the resultant stultifying effort that came progressively thereafter, Young Jerrence concluded coach Kelly's halftime oratory to be something less than a stem-winder. 

Quote of the Week

"I think it's very unique in that all the buildings are made of the same brick."
Grant Delpit
Weekend visitor, 4-star S recruit (and LSU commit)

I did not know that.  Though truth be told, it sounds like something one would hear on a campus tour led by a couple of poser students - jaded seniors probably - who'd also try to tell you the Rockne Memorial Gym is the site of where the legendary coach's plane crashed...

But, hey, I'm impressed.  He's also clearly from the school of "If you can't say anything nice, change the topic."  Mother Corrigan would be very impressed.  And after seeing last week's game, who doesn't applaud anyone's efforts to move the conversation off football?  

The Weekend - Observations

Concept A:  "Weekend At Bernie's."  Fun loving young adults are invited for a getaway weekend at a beach house, not knowing that bad things await them, indeed are intended for them.   They throw a party - it's awesome - and someone turns up dead. Not them. 

But the revelers are having too much fun with each other and their pals - involving Dillon Hall celebrities and semi-pornographic foodstuffs - to notice there's a dead football program person in the room. Ultimately it all sorts itself out and importantly, the party is in no way diminished by what, to a different observer, might be construed as something tragic. 

The End.

Sweet confusion under the moonlight... 

And a reasonable description of 9441 Community Hall Rd., Union Pier, MI. 
October 14-15, 2016.

Love thee, Notre Dame.  
The friends.  Not so much the football product. 

Work work work... 

Meanwhile, the revelers... 

The forks go on the left, Kevin...

Gee, an anatomically correct Barbie cake... 
Lisa, ever kindly to the intellectually diminished.

The dead soldiers - you shan't have died in vain. 

Saturday:  we went to a tailgater and a fox hunt broke out.

Hendricks.  Good, and good for you.

We all have our own definition of 'mother's milk'.

Cocktail of the Week

I got your innovation right here, Wharton.
One might think choosing a cinematic reference involving being trapped in lodging with a significant number of weird, threatening, other-worldly characters - where alcohol appears out of nowhere and inevitable madness sets in - would have absolutely nothing to do with last weekend's experience.

You would think that, wouldn't you?

The Moon-Shining
The Shining (1980)
Directed by Stanley Kubrick

"Joe... Bob... are you seeing him too?"
In this controversial Kubrick picture, an alcoholic writer and his young family head to the Overlook Hotel to take up winter residence as its lone caretakers - or so they think.  This being a loosey-goosey adaptation of a novel by Stephen King (an outspoken foe of the film), the mountainside resort brims with ghostly life, not to mention death.

Viewers expecting a fast-paced fright fest instead get a hypnotically eerie maze of a movie, which some consider the most enthralling thriller of all time - despite it receiving zero Oscar nominations. 

Next time you're snowed in with only a few supplies on hand, you'll say "cheeeers, Johnny!" for this red-rum moonshine masterpiece.
  • 1 oz. ruby red grapefruit juice
  • 1 oz. light rum
  • 1/2 oz. "moonshine" (like Midnight Moon)
Put down the axe and pour all the ingredients over ice - or snow - in a rocks glass.  Give it a quick stir.

II.  The 2016 Schedule 

Moderation in everything. Including moderation.
3       @Texas                  L  (0-1
10     Nevada                  W (1-1)
17     Michigan State     L  (1-2)
26     Duke                      L  (1-3)

1      @Syracuse             W (2-3)
8     @NC State              L  (2-4)    
15    Stanford                 L (2-5)
29   Miami                 

5      @Navy     
12     Army 
19     Va. Tech 
26    @USC    

Dateline:  November 28, 2016 in a galaxy far far away...

Wordlessly watching he waits by the window 
And wonders at the empty place inside...

Clip 'n save:  guys Swarbrick might ultimately think fits the job description:

  • PJ Fleck, Western Michigan
  • Kevin Wilson, Indiana 
  • Greg Schiano, Ohio State
  • Mike McIntyre, Colorado
  • Lane Kiffin, Alabama (just seeing if you were paying attention)
  • Charlie Strong, Texas (for now)
  • Matt Ruhle, Temple

What, you were expecting to see Stoops, Petersen, Herman, Chryst on this list? 

Stop drinking NOW

I saw her today, I saw her face
It was the face I loved, and I knew
I had to run away.
And get down on my knees and pray, that they go away...

The Wager:  I Don't Think We'll Be Needing a Tie-Breaker This Year

"Wait. What. I die?!"
Concept B: "Masque of the Red Death."  There's an apocalyptic plague spreading across the country and in a fairly counter-intuitive move, Prince Brian Prospero throws a kick ass costume party at his Union Pier castle lodge, basically saying "I got your plague right here, bub".  He locks the doors to the house and there is much revelry.  "Party on, Prospero! Party on, Gordo!"  By the time the Irish coffees are poured, someone  asks who's the mysterious nancy-boy dressed as The Red Death.  Upon confronting the creepy party crasher, Prospero dies.  As does everyone else.

The End. 

Clearly, this year's betting theme should've been an Edgar Allen Poe conceit. 

At any rate, only Jimmy Rice hasn't met Mr.  Red Death.   But does anyone think he won't?

Which Nic Flick R U?

Why ND Relevant


Raising Arizona

Genius from start to finish. And be honest – you never thought it’d be as terrific as it ended up being.

Kevin C 
Brian M
Bryan G
Joe S



Über clever direction meets surprising performances even if one is a bit confused by the overall journey.

Jay F
Spit the Elder
Tim S
Graham C
Mark U
Daryl M

Ted C
Dave M


Leaving Las Vegas

By all objective measures a high quality performance.  So why does one now feel so despondent?
Mike C
Matt L
Ray V
Jerry C
Brian W
Peter B
Jim S
Dave G
Jim B
Tom F
Spit the Younger


 Con Air

At times both awful and awesome, but with enough enjoyable lines (and stuff getting blown up) to distract one from the disappointment of what could’ve been something really special.

Tim C
Kevin M
Dennis R
Mike G
Jerry W 
Jerry P
Shea C
Pat C
Alex S


  National Treasure

Nowhere near great. But one finds oneself looking back on it more fondly than is justified. 

And if no one’s around... satisfying enough that one’ll watch it when it comes on late at night.

Al B
Jim T 
Ryan C
John L
Randy R
Blair R


The Wicker Man

You've seen this movie before.  Literally.  And you weren't that impressed the first time.  

You're cognizant that you've entered The Disaster Zone - where career legacies are re-written.  And never for the good.

Jim R


Ghost Rider

Oh dear Lord.   You feel physically ill just watching this – and knowing it’s not an aberrant 'one off' performance.

and under

 Season of the Witch

We’ve fallen and we're not getting back up.  

How incredibly sad.

What's on The History Channel?

Buddy's Buddy

Buddy was nothing if not a 'glass half full' kind of creature. But this weekend, athletically speaking, was rough for even the most delusional of optimist:

*ND loses, painfully.
*Packers lose to the accursed Cowboys
*Cubs drop a tough one, albeit to probably the best regular season pitcher alive.

You intentionally walked Coughlan to get to me. Really?
We needed something - or more specifically, someone - to salvage the weekend.  Enter Matt Montero, the chubby ~ .200 hitting 3rd string (?) catcher, pinch hitting after what this viewer was a pretty clever strategic move by the Dodgers to get the Cubs' closer out of the game.  


He won't ever pay for much ever again in the city of Chicago after Saturday night.  

Bravo, Matt, you are this week's Buddy's Buddy recipient.

Honorable mention to Bob Rasmus for wisely bailing on the football game to attend that Cubs game, which might prove - hopefully not - to be the highlight of both team's seasons.  

Schadenfreude of the Montb 
"Celebrating The Misfortune of Other Teams Since 1956"

Michigan State.  I haven't had to change this sentence for, like, four weeks!  Lovely.  

For those keeping score (and I remain ever vigilant in this regard), you still haven't won since beating Notre Dame.  

Okay that still stings a little bit. 

"What kind of name is Butch, anyway?"

Tennessee.    Bad couple of weeks to be an ex-Cincinnati football coach.   After living on the edge all season, it would appear that Regression-To-The-Mean is finally catching up with you.  


UCLA.  I haven't forgotten about you, coach Mora.  Or your alleged 1st round pick of a QB. Yet another thing you have in common with ND.  Misery really does love company.

Terry's Trolls

The weekend's athletic disappointment hit it's apex when even this section is hurting for candidates. 

Had Sports Grade A tools - the pinheads, the reprobates, the colossal douches - suddenly cleaned up their acts?  Gone underground?

It would seem so.  

Honestly, where is bad behavior when you need it?

1. Shannon Turley.   "Who the f*** is that?", you ask.  That would Stanford's oleaginous, Beavis & Butthead-looking Strength & Conditioning coach. Who felt compelled to trash talk Brian Kelly after Saturday's night game, with a "bye bye" - apparently impugning the ND coach's job security. 

Hey listen Shannon - Kelly may be a mediocre coach but he's OUR mediocre coach.  Don't you have someone's hamstrings to massage?

2. Yasmani Grandal.   Of the Havana, Cuba Grandals - a family whose descendent Nathaniel Philbrick loosely* based his sperm whale obsession novel, "Heart of The Sea", on.   

Right now, Yas is the LA Dodgers catcher and resident conspiracy theorist ("Ooh the Cubs are stealing our signs... make it stop.")   Which you evidently have since Chicago hasn't scored a run since you whined about it.  
UW tuition hard at work.

Proud of yourself?   
3.  Frank Kaminski.     "Look mommy, a 7' douche!" 

"That's not just any douche, child.  That's a 7', south side of Chicago, White Sox loving, Bucky Badger schooled, self-loathing douche."

Final Thought - I

Take the poll! 

Final Thought -II

This may need to be re-visited shortly...

*loosely, as in none, not even a little bit. 

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