First off, my sincere apologies
for being so tardy with this, the penultimate column of the year. One
could say that, like our beloved football team, I ran out of gas a little short
of the prescribed finish line.
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“Love and
Gluttony justify everything…”
I’ve always been a big fan of
Oscar Wilde; much of what he observed still makes sense to me, appealing to my
deeply cynical side, wickedly comic sensibilities and an unfortunate penchant
for excess. And after ND’s performance against The Cardinal – get a team
nickname that makes sense for god sakes – all I am left with is a sense “at
least I have the love of friends and family” and “man, am I a glutton for
punishment”.
Song of the Week
When Buddy and I used to walk
the sylvan paradise that was our Walton-on-Thames neighborhood in SW London, we
talked of many things. Mostly, catty remarks as we looked in people’s
windows during our nighttime circuit. Often the conversation would turn
to music… he was a particularly big fan of The Smiths, even giving me
permission at one point to change his name to Morrissey. (I declined due to the
complicated, multi-syllabic nature of the name – an unnecessary pronunciation
challenge, I perceived, on those weekend walks when invariably I needed
alcoholic sustenance to make the late evening stroll. At those particular
times, yelling “hey Bud!” was about my limit.)
But I digress.
Buddy and The Smiths sprang
readily to mind as I considered the state of the football program,
post-Stanford. But which song? “Vicar In a Tutu”, Some Girls Are
Bigger Than Others”, “Bigmouth Strikes Again”? Sadly, too many of them
had application. But one jumped out with laser-like relevance:
Girlfriend in
a coma,
I know, I know
it’s really serious…
Do you really
think she’ll pull through?
At this point, it’s hard to make
any argument that ND has turned any corner towards consistent excellence. In
fact, probably being closer to a sad, stagnant coma state.
It’s possible that we’ve become
the Cubs.
So I have no idea if this
program will pull through, to even a consistent Top 20 level. Recruiting seems
consistently strong of late. And it’s certainly frustrating that other programs
(read Michigan) seem to snap back quicker and easier than ours. And next year’s
schedule doesn’t get any easier (please, Landry Jones, declare for the
draft)...
Pre-Game
·
Okay, The Cardinal
seems to have come out in Texas Tech’s uniforms. Hmmm. Maybe Stanford did
some kind of hostile takeover as a B-school exercise.
o And what color is that anyway? I’d be inclined to
say ‘wine’ but for a school that once had the nickname “The Robber Barons” I’m
guessing they’d say, Shiraz or Pinot (definitely not Merlot!) or if they’re
feeling euro, Rioja or Amarone… pretentious tools.
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| "Aged in Orkney for 16 years, this golden malt delivers a sweet silky-smooth heather-honey taste perfectly balanced..." |
·
Scapa, ‘the’
Orcadian – from the Sanctuary of the Scapa Flow, is tonight’s surprise starter
at Terry’s single malt position. Here’s hoping Kelly is channeling my
innovative, ‘mix it up – go for it’ spirit…
Observations from The Game
·
Tommy’s
starting. Drat.
·
Two plays, two false
starts. Good to see our veteran O-line remains poised as ever.
·
Bash! “Stay
down, Tommy, stay down!”
·
Hendrix in!
Too soon! I can’t switch to gin this quickly!
·
Cierre blasts
through the line, only to have the hole filled by… Mike Golic. Well,
there’s one less 5th year scholarship decision we have to make.
·
Stanford plays a
thuggish game, Harbaugh football. And I’m kind of jealous.
·
Rees could not
outrun Buddy (and he’s 3’ under the ground).
·
And he looks totally
‘deer in the headlights’. Sad, actually. If he keeps getting hit anymore, he’s
going to become a modern day, John Merrick. And not just because his face’ll be
as misshapen as The Elephant Man’s… I can see him cowering in a corner,
concussed, slurring “I’m not an animal Quarterback, I’m a human
beeeeeiiiiinnnngggg…” Oh, the pathos.
·
Hendrix looks a
million times tougher than, well, everyone else on ND. Robo-QB.
·
That turf is a
disgrace. What exactly are they doing with their endowment? No doubt spending
it on over-priced, self-absorbed ‘scholars’… (sorry, Tim).
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| "It's not a lie if you yourself believe it ..." |
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1:38 left, Q2 – Rees
INT. Does Kelly really think he’s their best chance to win?
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2nd
Half: Enter The Once and Future King.. all hail Andrew!
·
Quote of the Night,
Kirk Herbstreit on Kelly: “He makes me nervous.” Join
the club, Kirk.
·
Boy he’s a got a
freaking cannon for an arm. With absolutely zero touch.
·
Clearly our RB’s
were not a part of the earlier quoted 85% of the team who changed to longer
cleats.
·
Is it me or does it
look like Hendrix’ passes getting to the receivers a lot quicker than they’re
used to?
·
Andrew deserves a
better O-line effort than he’s getting tonight.
·
Q4, 4:35 left – if
Harbaugh were coach, he’d still be passing.
·
Luck stiff arms
Ishaq Williams and keeps moving on. Welcome to the big time, kid.
If Saturday’s Game was a
movie poster, it’d be… “Armageddon.”
"Earth. It Was Fun While It Lasted."
Vapid. Self-indulgent. An
insult to the intelligence of anyone not in a coma state. Not even worthy
of Dr. Tím Tím’s scornful “it’s rubbish… pabulum for the masses” label.
Oh yeah, and that lame Bruce
Willis, Ben Affleck movie was awful too.
But the tailgaters this year
were awesome.
Word of the Week
Saturnine sat·ur·nine
adj \ˈsa-tər-ˌnīn\
1.
born under or
influenced astrologically by the planet Saturn
2.
cold and steady in
mood : slow to act or change
3.
of a gloomy or surly
disposition
4.
having a sardonic
aspect <a saturnine smile>
First Known Use of SATURNINE
·
15th century
Used in a sentence… “The Notre
Dame fan base was saturnine after the team’s disappointing performance in front
of yet another end-of-season national audience.”
Synonyms: black, bleak, cheerless, chill, Cimmerian, cloudy,
cold, comfortless, dark, darkening, depressing, depressive, desolate, dire,
disconsolate, dismal, drear, dreary, elegiac, forlorn, funereal, glum,
godforsaken, gray, lonely, lonesome, lugubrious, miserable, morbid, morose,
murky, plutonian, gloomy, sepulchral, solemn, somber, sullen, sunless,
tenebrific, tenebrous, wretched
Antonyms: bright, cheerful, cheering, cheery, comforting,
cordial, festive, friendly, gay, heartwarming, sunshiny
Week
XII BUDDY Award.
I can’t tell you how badly I wanted Tommy to win this
award. And that was even before I departed for the Orkney Islands. Of
course, that quixotic dream ended after, what, ND’s 2nd offensive
play? I also can’t tell you for how long it appeared there’d be no
winner. But then came the 2nd half and the only reason I was even
remotely sanguine about this loss: Andrew Hendrix. He was
tough as nails, Tebow-like (without all the religious proselytizing).
He’s got a rocket for an arm and his misses didn’t seem the results of bad
decisions, just bad throws one could reasonably expect from lack of play
time. Ultimately, one got a glimpse of the Kelly spread offense demonstrating
its potential.
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| "Briiiaaan, you got a lot of esplainin' to do..." |
Now why we’re seeing this in the 2nd half of
the last game is a question for the off season. For this week, Andrew Hendrix
is my focus, and for his not-insignificant contribution of optimism, he’s this
week’s BUDDY award winner.
Schadenfreude of the Week.
·
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| "I christen thee the SS Weis..." |
Florida. Could Charlie Weis be the college football
version of the mythical Flying Dutchman? Moving, ghost-like (if a man of his
girth can truly move that way), from program to program... never making port,
never finding success? Legend had it the sighting of the ship was a portent of
doom. Charlie’s size makes him tough to miss. Bummer for Florida.
Especially when Urban starts syphoning off the Florida recruits that used
to be slam dunks.
·
Oklahoma. And we think our team comes out unprepared?!
The Sooners get pasted 44-10 to their in-state rival! (And when does
anyone starting harrumphing about Bob Stoops?)
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Texas. Speaking of coaches who suddenly find themselves
the subject of firing speculation, “Mack Brown, come on down!” No
one in the country has an easier time recruiting – every March at your Junior
Day, you get 18 commitments on the spot – and yet, post-Vince Young you’re
getting crushed 48-24 by Baylor. Baylor. Team Branch Davidian!
·
Ohio State. Now that Urban’s safely ensconced in the OSU
program, it’s probably wise to enjoy their mediocrity while it
lasts. And I did.
Terry’s Tool Time.
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| "To hell with a Jumbotron, ND's next capital improvement..." |
· WR’s / DB’s. Somewhat irrespective of the outcome of the games,
watching football is supposed to be fun. A pleasurable experience,
reveling in the exploits of genetic freaks doing things one could only
imagine. And yet, increasingly, the diva-like behavior of the high
profile skill positions just incense me. Who saw DeSean Jackson recently
(on Monday Night Football) or Stevie Johnson… or for that matter, Golden
Tate? And the DB’s are no better. One pass defensed and their arms
start waving back and forth, their heads start bobbing up and down. Yap yap
yap. For just doing what they’re paid to do. Well, in Terry World,
they need to be corrected… Feel The Wrath of Terry when my SWAT
kicks in, poised high atop the press box roof, little tripods set up…
losing a replay is going to be the least of their worries, Boy-o.
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| "You're not here to bring me my brat, are you?" |
·
Brent Musburger. There’s a pivotal scene in “How The Grinch Stole
Christmas” where after many years away from Whoville, he’s reunited with the
spinster women that so lovingly raised him. Poignantly, he asks, “Are you
two still alive?!” And after listening to Brent call the 1st
half, I had the same question. (Followed immediately by, “why?”) It also
led me to amend the game day job description of my SWAT team to include Half
Time Ninja, whose sole additional responsibility would be to creep down and
I stealth mode, take out the offending announcer. (As determined by a fast
email poll of this group.)
Non Sequitar of the Week
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| "At least these Chicago cartographers got the 'Black Hole' part right..." |
The Big East grants admittance
to Boise State, San Diego State for football only membership and Houston, SMU
and Central Florida as full members. Huh? This makes sense only if
Australia and New Zealand is being annexed by the NCAA…
And we wonder why the rest of
the world mocks of our knowledge of geography.
Answers to Last Week’s
Quiz
Which luminaries on this
distribution list lived in the following estates during their college
years?
Final observations
Last week, in one of South
Park’s most compelling dramas in recent memory, Eric Cartman fakes having
Tourette’s Syndrome to in effect, give himself a free pass for saying the most
scatological (and anti-Semitic) things that pop into his head. It’s an
experience he finds to be increasingly liberating – living a life without the
bourgeois necessity of an internal filter! How great is that?! Well, Cartman
learns, to disastrous effect, that ultimately the lack of a filter has a
downside, leading to embarrassing admissions of bed wetting, mutual wiener
touching w his cousin and of course, faking Tourette’s Syndrome. Riveting
TV with powerful life lessons for us all.
And may I just say at this point
that the content of “South Park”, at times, is truly unbelievable?
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| "I'm your kind of recruit, coach Kelly..." |
At any rate, I bring this up
because this year is about to close with probably more questions about Brian
Kelly than when maybe he started two years ago. Starting with which coach
is he – the smart, media savvy one who ‘gets’ ND. Or the purple faced one
afflicted with Tourette’s who blurts out divisive public comments about his
upper class – and starts a QB so patently imperfect for his offense?
Damned if I know. But I think
you can take this to the bank: short of a PSU-like scandal, he’s our guy
for the next three years. And I, for one, still think he can do it.
But if Rees plays more than a
half of that bowl game, I will be revising my opinion.
2011
Schedule.
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September
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October
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November
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3 South
Florida L
10 @Michigan (NIGHT) L
17 MSU LINIPALOOZA!! W
24 @Pitt W
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1 @Purdue (NIGHT) W
8 Air
Force W
15 OPEN
22 USC
L
29 Navy W
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5 @Wake
Forest W
12 @Maryland
(D.C.) W
19 Boston
College W
26 @Stanford
(NIGHT) L
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2011
Wager status
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| "And The Mayans foretold that an unlikely Oracle shall appear from western PA...." |
Nonetheless, congrats to the Team 8 realists, especially
back-to-back winner Alvin, who clearly saw what the rest of us chose to ignore.
(I was so sure Jerry’s “A Case For 11 Wins” had a factual basis.)
May I suggest you use your winnings to buy some of the drugs
that my brother Kevin was clearly on when he made his undefeated forecast?
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